This is a very long article but it is well worth the read! There is alot of good information here for someone who is experiencing abuse, or for someone that has a friend experiencing abuse. This article is also good for those that have recently gotten out of a Domestic Violence situation and are thinking they can't make it or contemplating going back. Going back is never a good idea and you can make! You are not alone and this article will show you that. Please pass this on to anyone you think would benefit from reading it.
"'My mom was killed by my dad so we moved,' Takia* says when asked what brought her to Baltimore. Sitting in the kitchen in the House of Ruth's shelter for battered woman, the pretty 28-year-old with a soft, open face is matter of fact, saying it the way others might say their dad got a..."
Read the full article here: Baltimore City Paper - News+Features: Marked Women
What gets me is that the FR creeps claim that we women make all this up just to get even or to get out of a relationship to get child support which they feel they should not have to pay. When are men going to start making each other accountable for the damage they do to women in their lives.
ReplyDeleteThank you for this comment, as you are very correct that the men in today's society need to start holding each other accountable for their actions. Some men do this and are starting to speak out against DV, which is very needed in more areas!
ReplyDeleteReading this as an Advocate and a Survivor of DV, it truly worries me all that is not there for the Victim, but I’m also glad to see that there are improvements, and hope that even more are made in the near future to help protect those that are in need of it.
ReplyDelete"They suggested she get a protective order against him. But she knew that would just make him angry. "And then what am I going to do if he comes around?" she asks. "Throw the paper at him?""
I hear this from many Victims and Survivors a like, a piece of paper in itself does not protect them. There needs to be steps taken, and when a victim calls in that their abuser has violated the order, more should be done to substantiate that claim, instead of telling a victim if they don’t have proof, they can’t do anything about it. Recently, one that we are working with had her van riddled with bullets, just a few feet away from her son’s bedroom window. She knows who did it, yet, he’s free, and asking for more liberal visitations. We try and let those that we talk to know of different ways that they can help strengthen their PO’s, and in many cases, it’s the first time they hear of the ideas, and in one case, it helped put an abuser behind bars. PO’s can work, IF the Victim/Survivor takes the necessary steps in insuring their own protection, as well as work with the police in it. Now, when the police wont listen, there’s a problem……….
""He's on the street and I'm the one that's doing time.""
"Jean has since been told to leave the state of Maryland because her husband is so dangerous."
""I have never committed a crime or nothing in my life," she says. "And this guy, when they pulled his record, they found out I'm the fourth woman that he's had domestic violence with." So why is she the one being exiled, she wonders."
Too many feel like this. After a violent abuser is known to come after them time and time again, they have to leave everything they know, everyone they know, because if they don’t, he can find them and once again victimize them. It still warps my mind, them knowing that he’s that aggressive and dangerous, yet, letting him stay out while she runs for her life. More needs to be done!
"Shelter space can be hard to come by, however. The House of Ruth's Carole Alexander acknowledges that "in our shelter we're turning away about 1,200 women a year that are truly battered women that we believe could be in imminent danger.""
When I read this, while I understand fully that there’s only so much space, and so much money to help Victims of DV, so much more needs to be done! I still get emotional, and think of all those women that could NOT get the help that they needed when they needed it. 1,200 women and countless children were left to deal with their abuser themselves. That’s too many!
"But too often abusers are not held accountable and the violence continues to escalate. And this is the crux of the problem: How often do health-care providers, police, prosecutors, and judges get so much notice before a homicide case occurs?"
""It's not like suddenly, out of the blue, a completely nonviolent person decides to batter their partner to death," Julie Drake says."
""That's extraordinarily rare. There are many, many warning signs ahead of time, and there are definitely steps that could be taken to prevent it.""
It isn’t suddenly usually, yet, you can’t put it all at the feet of the professionals. The Victims have to be able to know that it’s safe to talk to those that they see. I do think that more pamphlets need to be in offices, information, and ways to let Victims know that it’s safe to talk to the professional and that there’s ways to get help. There are many warning signs, but how many professionals are actually trained in spotting them? How many are trained in DV enough to be able to sit and talk to a Victim about her situation enough to get her to talk to a shelter or hotline?
In reading this, again, there’s so much yet to do, but I’m thinking little by little it’s getting there. The only catch is, while it’s getting there, DV rates are rising……and more innocent lives are being lost…
I agree 100% Anonymous, men need to help in this! Women cannot do it alone! It isn't a gender problem, it's a problem of Society, and everyone needs to take a part in being a part of the solution. Remember that old saying "If you aren't part of the solution, you are part of the problem?" Unfortunately, many men wont get involved unless it's happened to someone they love, or they themselves have been victimized. Everyone can do a little something to help in this, yet, too many still don't know what to do. Sometimes it's the most simple of things, like being there for a Victim or Survivor to talk too, to posting up flyers or sharing pamphlets of information. Yes, some men use this in order to gain custody of the children, yet, they are being allowed too by a society that doesn't seem to want to see...
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