UAADV News Blog

Abuser wanted for Murder of his Wife

2010-08-30T15:52:00.000-05:00

In 1980, Pat and John Poulakis were set on adopting a little boy into their family. That all changed when the Poulakis' saw 12-year-old Deana Schermerhorn and her brother Paul on "Monday's Child," a television program in Knoxville, Tenn., aimed at finding children permanent homes. The couple instantly fell in love with the two and were almost immediately adopted into the family.

"It's a wonderful story about adoption," says AMW correspondent Angeline Hartmann, who worked on the story. "They gave the two kids a beautiful life."

While Deana grew up to be a beautiful and talented hair stylist, friends and family said a few rocky relationships left her unlucky in love. She was struggling as a single mother to her young son, Gabriel, when things started looking up in 2006. Deana met someone who seemed to be the man she had been waiting for -- Christopher Meade. The two began dating and eventually moved to North Carolina for a fresh start.

"Deana thought he was a good father to her son, Gabe," Angeline says. "Her sister tells me that Deana just liked him -- thought he was cute in his cowboy hat and boots."

But the rest of the family was less than impressed. From the beginning, their relationship appeared to be a tumultuous affair.

"They had a history of domestic violence," Angeline says. "They would break up, get back together, etc. So when they got married on New Year's Day 2009, her family was really surprised. She was in love with him, so they couldn't really argue with her. It was her life."

Deana's brother Jack even took it upon himself to have a heart-to-heart with Meade, asking him to end the toxic relationship before anyone got seriously hurt. According to Jack, Meade obnoxiously brushed off the advice and said something along the lines of, "I've already made my bed, and I'm going to sleep in it. If I kill her, I kill her. If I go to prison, I go to prison."

In early November 2009, those close to Deana grew even more concerned when they hadn't been able to reach her or her husband at all. Deana had always been good about keeping in touch, so family and friends alerted the police of this development.

When police arrived at the couple's home, they found a note on the door indicating that the family took a trip. Deana never mentioned anything about a trip to her parents, and they spoke on the phone every day.
After about a week, cops say Meade showed up at his mother's house to drop off 4-year-old Gabe, and then Meade took off with no word about where he was going.

Happy to see Gabriel home safe and sound, family members still worried about Deana, knowing it was highly unlikely she would simply leave her son behind. Suspecting possible foul play, cops began searching the couple's residence and the surrounding areas, but the search yielded no results. Things started to look very fishy, however, when it was revealed Meade had been using Deana's credit cards illegally. His November 2009 transactions took place in North Carolina, Tennessee, Kentucky and other areas. The transactions and photos taken at ATMs are the last traces of Meade, and he hasn't been heard from since.

The investigation picked up momentum in December when a meticulous cop decided to take visit the couple's home again.

"This is a very tiny department; officers would all kinda search on their own spare time," Angeline says. "He was just walking around her house and saw where animals appeared to be digging. Even though he was searching for her, it was a very emotional moment for him. He couldn't believe he found her."

Deana was dead, and her child had become an orphan. Her story had sadly come full circle. Worse yet, cops believe young Gabriel was there on the day of Deana's death.

"The biggest thing for me is the 4-year-old left behind," Angeline says. "Turns out his biological father committed murder-suicide years ago, so the Gabriel has no mom or dad. Cops think he probably saw what happened that day."

Gabriel now lives with Deana's sister and her husband, who have lovingly adopted him. Cops have charged Christopher Meade with credit card theft and want to talk to him about his wife's murder. Tune in Saturday night to get the full story and call in with any information regarding Deana's death. In the meantime, get all the info from the case file at AMW.com

A National Child Custody Crisis: Why are Moms Punished in Court?

2010-01-19T19:12:00.003-05:00

I know both of these moms personally, and they are beautiful women. This was written for Mom Logic...please go to their website and leave a comment on this important topic of mothers losing children to their abusers.

Custody Crisis: Why Moms Are Punished in Court

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Talk to mothers, divorce lawyers, and child advocates and you'll hear tales of a family court system that's badly broken.

Gina Kaysen Fernandes: To an outsider, Linda Marie Sacks had the perfect life. Her husband was rich, and they lived in a huge home in Daytona Beach, FL, where she spent her days shuttling her girls to school and various activities. Linda Marie describes herself as a "squeaky clean soccer mom" who "lived my life for my children." Behind that façade, Linda Marie says she married a monster -- a man who verbally and emotionally attacked her for years and sexually abused their two young daughters.

When she finally left him and tried to take her girls with her, she encountered a new monster -- family court. Rather than protecting Linda Marie and her two young daughters from a sexual predator, a family court judge denied Linda Marie custody and put her daughters into the hands of their sexually abusive father.

Talk to mothers, divorce lawyers, and child advocates and you'll hear tales of a family court system that's badly broken. It's one that routinely punishes women for coming forward with allegations of abuse by denying them custody of their children. Instead of protecting children from abusers and predators, the court often gives sole custody to the abusive parent, say child advocates. Mothers who tell judges their children are being molested or beaten are accused of lying and are punished for trying to intervene. Some are thrown in jail for trying to keep their kids from seeing an abusive parent. Women, many of whom have few financial resources at their disposal, are often at the mercy of a court system that is not designed to handle domestic violence.

Linda Marie first suspected something was wrong in 2002 when she received a shocking phone call from a school administrator. Her 7-year-old daughter was acting out sexually, with knowledge beyond her years. A short time later, the Sunday school teacher reported overhearing Linda Marie's daughter saying, "I suck my dad's penis." She received more phone calls from school about her little girl using Barbie dolls to simulate oral sex with a boy in her class. "I was very concerned, these are alarming red flags," said Linda Marie.

She consulted family therapists who also expressed alarm and concern, but failed to report these claims to an abuse hotline. In one of the therapy sessions, the oldest daughter drew a picture that depicted her father as an erect penis on legs. Linda Marie says she once walked in on her husband wiping her daughters' vaginas in the bathroom before school, "because he told me he wanted them to be fresh." When Linda Marie confronted her husband, he ignored and dismissed the allegations.

After 11 years of marriage, Linda Marie filed for divorce in 2004. Armed with detailed documentation, she believed the judge would grant her sole custody of her two daughters for their protection. "I was sheltered. I didn't know I had stepped into a national crisis in the courts," said Linda Marie, who spent tens of thousands of dollars in a legal battle that ended in the loss of her parental rights. Linda Marie has only seen her children during supervised visits for a total of 54 hours over the past two and a half years. "I'm one of the lucky moms," she said, choking back tears. "Some bonds are severed forever. I'm thankful for my two hours a month."

Some mothers like Lorraine Tipton of Oconto Falls, WI, have served jail time as the result of contentious custody arraignments. In November, a judge sentenced Lorraine to 30 days behind bars because she didn't force her 11-year-old daughter to follow the court's order to live every other week with her abusive father. "She's terrified of going; she has night terrors and severe anxiety," said Lorraine.

Her ex, Craig Hensberger, was arrested three times for domestic violence and once for child abuse. His criminal record also includes two DUI arrests, one of which happened while driving with his daughter. The court ordered Hensberger into rehab and demanded "absolute sobriety," but his daughter claims he still drinks excessively when she visits.

Hensberger admitted in court that he still continues to drink, but the judge punished Lorraine instead for trying to protect her child. "My abuser is continuing his abuse of me and my daughter with the help of the court," said Lorraine, who spent three days locked up until her daughter made the heart-wrenching decision to return to her father's home so her mother could be released from jail. "He can't get to me physically. The only way he knows how to hurt me is to take my child away."

"What we are seeing amounts to a civil rights crisis," says attorney and legal writer Michael Lesher, who co-authored the book From Madness To Mutiny: Why Mothers Are Running from the Family Courts -- and What Can Be Done about It. Many judges and court-appointed guardians act above the law with apparent impunity, he argues.

"There's no hearing, no evidence, no notice -- they can take your child away from you," Lesher tells momlogic. If a mother raises concerns or openly discusses child abuse in court, she typically ends up being the one under investigation. "Mom is guilty until proven innocent," he says.

A family court judge with the Los Angeles Superior Court refused momlogic's request for an interview to respond to these allegations.

Unlike criminal court, family court does not rely on criminal investigators to gather evidence in an alleged child abuse case. Instead, the court appoints family advocates known as "guardian ad litem," or GAL, who are expected to investigate the abuse allegations and make their recommendation in the best interest of the child. GALs are sometimes licensed psychologists, social workers, or attorneys who are not necessarily trained in evaluating sexual abuse or domestic violence. They have the judge's ear, and their opinions can alter a child's future. There are no juries and there's no mandate for legal representation. In fact, most women end up representing themselves because they can't afford the attorney fees.

Most moms don't want to take the case to criminal court because they prefer to keep the matter private. Legal experts contend the evidence in sexual abuse cases isn't typically strong enough to hold up in criminal court to overcome the threshold of "beyond a reasonable doubt." While the bar is set much lower for proving evidence in family court, advocates argue Child Protective Services frequently doesn't want to get involved. "If there's a custody battle going on, CPS won't touch it," says Irene Weiser of the advocacy group StopFamilyViolence.org.

There's no doubt fathers play a critical role in a child's life, and in most cases, are equally loving and capable parents who deserve custody. However, studies find when a wife accuses her husband of abuse, more than half the time, she faces a counter-accusation of "parental alienation syndrome," or PAS. Although PAS is not a medically recognized disorder, divorce attorneys often successfully argue that it emerges when a parent brainwashes a child into thinking the other parent is the enemy.

The psychiatrist Richard Gardner, who first coined the phrase "parental alienation syndrome" in 1987, has written more than one hundred articles on the subject, but has offered no scientific data to support his theory. While it's not considered a certifiable medical condition, PAS is widely accepted in the legal community.

"Parental Alienation unequivocally, categorically exists, and it's a form of child abuse," says author and forensic consultant Dean Tong. While he believes more studies need to be done to validate PAS, "it does exist, anecdotally speaking," he says. As an expert witness, Tong has been called a "fathers' rights prostitute" for his work in court clashes. But he also testifies for mothers who are fighting to appeal unfavorable rulings. For Tong, it's about using forensics to find the truth. "I'm not here to protect guys who are guilty," he says.

In years past, mothers were typically considered the "protective parent" in custody decisions when courts relied on the "Tender Years Doctrine," which states that children under the age of 13 should live with their mothers. Recently, several courts have ruled that doctrine violated the Equal Protection Clause in the 14th amendment, and replaced it with the "Best Interests of the Children" doctrine. It's a huge victory for the increasingly powerful Fatherhood Movement that contends dads are systematically alienated from their children after a divorce.

Tong argues the current legal climate continues to put fathers on the receiving end of false allegations. "It's handcuffs first, speak later," said Tong, who experienced that firsthand. In 1985, Tong's ex-wife falsely accused him of sexually abusing his 3-year-old daughter. He spent time in jail and went through "a year of hell" trying to prove his innocence. While Tong was eventually cleared of any wrongdoing, he never regained custody of his kids, and remained under supervised visitation for years. Tong became a self-taught expert on the subject of family rights and abuse accusations. He has written three books, including Elusive Innocence: Survival Guide for the Falsely Accused.

"There's an assumption that maintaining a child's relationship with the father is a good idea -- even if the father is abusive," says Stop Family Violence's Weiser, who believes when the overburdened court system is unable to sort out a custody conflict, it relies on misogyny. She argues there are many judges, GALs, and evaluators who believe that women are inherently vindictive and will lie to get a leg up in a custody battle. "We see it over and over again in family court, where judges or professionals don't believe the violence is occurring," Weiser says.

"All we have is 'he said, she said.' Who's telling the truth? That's up to the judge," says Tong, who believes the justice system isn't working for either side. "The system is not doing a good job interviewing kids, we're still in the dark ages there," says Tong, who thinks there needs to be more formal education and training for the professionals, including judges who are hearing child custody cases.

According to the American Bar Association, child abuse allegations in custody disputes are rare -- occurring in only six percent of cases. The majority of those accusations are substantiated. In terms of false allegations, fathers are more likely than mothers to intentionally lie (21 percent, compared to 1.3 percent). In fact, abusive parents are more likely to seek sole custody than nonviolent ones, and are successful about 70 percent of the time.

After three years of litigation, Linda Marie Sacks says she was no match for her ex-husband's financial resources and powerful connections. "He was buying his way through the courtroom." Despite 10 calls into the abuse hotline by licensed professionals, Linda Marie's ex-husband still claimed she was making false allegations of abuse to alienate his children, and the judge believed him. Linda Marie was kicked out of her home and put on supervised visitation with her two daughters, who are now ages 10 and 12. "The judge legally kidnapped my daughters and won't give them back," she said.

In some extreme cases, a custody decision will be reversed, which is what happened to Joyce Murphy. The San Diego mother was charged with kidnapping after she took her daughter out of state, away from the girl's father, because she believed he was a child molester. The father, Henry Parson, accused Joyce of parental alienation and she lost custody. "Despite my pleas for protection to the police and the DA and the family court representatives, and even psychologists, Mr. Parson was able to convince them and the community at large that he was the victim, and I was just an angry, embittered, divorced woman," explained Joyce.

Six years later, Parson was caught in the act and pleaded guilty to six counts of child abuse, which included oral sex with a child, molestation, possessing child porn, and using a child to make porn. After Parson received a six-year prison sentence, Joyce told reporters that family court's only good decision in her case was granting her full permanent custody of her daughter after her ex-husband was jailed.

Lorraine, the Wisconsin mom who was jailed for protecting her daughter, knows her daughter's nightmare will continue for the rest of her childhood. "He's never going to stop, it's never going to end until she's 18." Linda Marie says she's putting every penny towards her legal efforts to win back custody of her daughters. "I will never stop fighting for my girls. I know one day justice will prevail."

Critics argue that not only is the family court system broken, it was never designed to deal with issues like child custody. The goal is to develop solutions that are in the best interest of the child. "Unfortunately when judges and guardians start thinking of themselves as super government, all sorts of abuses will occur," says attorney and author Lesher.

Activists are working towards making reforms through legislation. "The heartbreaking challenge is that there's not one quick fix," says Stop Family Violence's Weiser. "This is a war -- it's very ugly, it's bloody, and very bitter," concludes Tong.

10 Myths About Domestic Violence

2009-12-12T18:10:00.001-05:00

I think this blog post is something that anyone that has dealt with Domestic Violence, or has a family member or friend involved in Domestic Violence should read. I agree with many points within this blog, and feel that one of the most important things that we as Advocates and Survivors need to do is help dispel the myths and misconceptions that many have surrounding Domestic Violence.

10 Myths About Domestic Violence

1. Only women are victims of domestic violence.

Between 2001 and 2005, 22% of all reports regarding nonfatal violence cited females over the age of 12 as the victims and...

2. Domestic violence occurs only in lower-class, uneducated, or minority households.

Domestic violence does not discriminate against socioeconomic, educational, age, sexual preference, or racial lines any more than it does gender. It can happen to anyone...

3. Instances of domestic violence are actually quite rare.

In May of 2002 alone, 16 of the largest urban counties in the United States reported a combined total of 3,750 cases of intimate partner violence. Trending data shows...

4. Domestic violence is usually a one-time-only occurrence.

In May of 2002, 46% of convictions for nonfatal intimate partner violence had a history of prior abuse towards the victim. While some instances of domestic violence only involve one incident...

5. Victims of domestic violence usually provoke the abuse.

A blame the victim philosophy surrounds many violent crimes, with fingers pointed towards men and women alike who find themselves on the receiving end of abuse questioned almost as intensively as their assailants. Many mistakenly believe...

6. Substance abuse is the root cause of domestic disturbances.

Drugs and alcohol amplify aggression, and many men and women abuse their spouses, boyfriends, girlfriends, or other intimate partners while under the influence. However...

7. Domestic violence is an issue that only needs addressing between the people involved.

The fact that 21.8% of female victims and 39.2% of male victims fail to report their abuse at the hands of an intimate partner because they believe the matter is best handled...

8. Improving a broken relationship can stop a batterer.

In believing that working on the relationship between abuser and victim makes for a solution to end abuse, the mindset that...

9. Victims stay in violent situations because they secretly enjoy being beaten.

Another corollary to the blame the victim perspective labels repeat recipients of domestic abuse as masochists who stay in violent situations because...

10. Domestic violence is a side effect of a patriarchal society or filial structure.

Many perceive domestic abuse as a negative aspect of living within a patriarchal society or a family where men dominate over the women. Studies have shown...

Original Blog Post

Knight in Tarnished Armor

2009-12-04T15:28:00.002-05:00

One of our members shared the link to a story written by a Domestic Violence Survivor, and I've since talked to her and gotten permission to share with you the below. Not many Survivors are able to put in book form what they went through for many various reasons, and it's always amazing when yet another Survivor is able to do so. I not only thank Erin for writing this book, but for reaching out to others that are in need of her courage!

Knight in Tarnished Armor by Erin Donovan

I often have said that if domestic violence was going to happen to anyone, it was a good thing it happened to me. I was raised in a very loving, kind, stable household. My parents are the best, and there was hardly ever a voice raised in our house, let alone people beating on others. I grew up with a strong sense of self, fierce independence and a lot of self esteem. I had supported myself for years before I got married and really wasn't all that interested in getting married, until my "knight" came along. So when it came time to get out - I did - after almost three years of abuse. But I couldn't get off my mind the women who have gone through similar circumstances and didn't have the fortitude or the support group that I did. I didn't have children, didn't have to go to a shelter, didn't have to go find a job or place to live. I had it easy - and still almost ended up dead. I just kept thinking of the thousands and thousands of women who go to bed at night praying they will wake up in the morning and almost wishing they wouldn't because they will have to go through another day of abuse. So, this book kept writing itself in my head. Heck, I'm not an author, but I wrote a book about what I know, and I know domestic violence. I'm stronger for it and my goal is to help anyone, woman, man, child, whomever, make it out and live life the way it should be lived - without fear of being abused, beaten or killed.

In addition to my book, I've taken classes and courses and attended seminars and have read countless books on abuse. I co-founded a support group for women which meets once a month. This group isn't just for abuse victims, it's for anyone woman who needs the support of other women. Then I have "Sit and Sip" - which I call comfort sessions. These are conversations - either e-mail, phone or in person - with domestic violence victims where basically I let them talk. I have found that I'm a very good listener and have the knack to ask questions that draws out what a victim needs to get out without making them feel pressured. One woman, a stranger, called me out of the blue and talked for 4 hours. At the end, she said, "You know, I've never told anyone my story from beginning to end before. My life really sucks!" And she left her abuser right after that and is a very successful real estate agent now. All she needed was to see her life in perspective, for someone to listen, and that's what I do.

The Knight has been out since September 8, 2009 and the feed back I have been getting is exciting and humbling at the same time. I wrote this book for one reason - to help other victims - and I'm glad to say what I have been hearing is that it's doing just that. There is a safety plan (compliments of Focus Ministries - a WONDERFUL organization for victims) and encouragement after my story. One woman ordered one for herself and after she read it she ordered four more to send to each of her granddaughters. I've have done a few radio interviews, but I do have to be careful with where I do what because my ex is still out there and if knows I've revealed his dirty secrets for all the world to see...I'm dead...he WILL kill me, no doubt in my mind.

I guess the best way to sum it up is to read what I have written on my website and I'll include it here:

Welcome to my World

During the years of marriage to the man I thought was my knight in shining armor, the violence that quickly escalated took me by surprise. I had no idea the man he truly was, was not the man I married; sweet, considerate, loving and gentle. There were reasons for the abuse, I was told, so I waited, hoping it would stop. As the violence increased, I started a journal to document what was happening. I would document our latest "encounter", make a copy and give it to my mother to hold in a large manilla envelope - just in case he killed me, there would be enough proof to put him away forever. Sounds a bit sad, but when you are a victim, you think like a victim.

What you will read in my book are those actual journal entries, as well as letters I had written to my husband and his doctors. I have filled in with facts between the entries to flesh out my story and give you a glimpse into the world of a domestic violence victim.

But the important part of Knight in Tarnished Armor is not my story. The important part is the advice at the end, the safety plan, the encouragement, and hopefully the realization that if you are a victim, you are just one step away to being a survivor - that one step out the door that will lead to your freedom. I'm not saying it's easy, but believe me, it's worth it.

I have my life back. I've never been happier and I'm stronger for having walked through the fire. You can do it too and become the woman you want to be. Take that step, we are here to help.

Out of the Chaos of DV, is Born a New Family...

2009-12-01T19:22:00.000-05:00

Too often Domestic Violence situations go severely wrong, so it is wonderful to hear stories of them going right. Below is a story of love, strength, and the commitment to children to protect them, and the bringing together of family.

This hits me personally because I myself am adopted, and have worked with children within the Foster Care system. Too often we hear of those again that go wrong within the system, here is a family that has not only survived but has Thrived through the adversities...

Before clips from 2 sources covering the wonderful event of adoption is a message from Chelsea Hayes. She has shared her story and that of the children she loves in order to help others understand a little bit more about Domestic Violence from a Survivors perspective. After which follows links and an original article about the day of adoption.

Again, I want to express my Congratulations to this family, and a deep heartened Thank You for sharing your story.

A word from a Survivor and a Wonderful Mom...

Here is a speech I have given to other nurses and graduating police officers that i would like to share with you:

First let me begin by thanking you for the opportunity to listen to me speak. Please let me begin by giving you a little history about me….My name is Chelsea and I am a survivor of Domestic violence. I am 29 years old and I am a Nurse. I worked in a local ER for 6 years, and was a volunteer EMT and Firefighter for 4 years. I now work full time in a doctor’s office. I have 5 kids 4 of whom I have now successfully adopted from my ex-husband and 1 biological son. I have never been arrested, I don’t smoke or drink..I was married for 4 years to an extremely abusive man. We met when I was 23 in June of 2003, his 4 children came to live with us 3 weeks later, their mother has and had a severe drug problem and mental issues. We married in October 2003 I got pregnant in November 2003, and I left August 8th 2006. My divorce was final in Sept 2008; I had to wait until after the final trial to legally divorce him so that my testimony during the criminal trial could be preserved. In May 2009 he was sentenced to 20 ½ years with 10 suspended for two counts of 1st degree assault and violating my protective order. The original charges were attempted murder 1st degree assault (twice) False imprisonment and violating my protective order 10 times. We plead down after 3 trials because I did not want the 4 children to testify. The states attorney and their therapists said it would be too much for them and I agreed (1 trial because he plead Not Criminally Responsible, 1 trial for the criminal charges with a hung jury, 1 juror could not decide, and the final trial where he was found guilty) the sentencing was in May 2009. He filed for an appeal that trial was in October 2009 in front of a panel of 3 judges and it was denied. I legally adopted my 4 stepdaughters from the state November 20th 2009. He should be out of jail in 1-3 years from now depending on his behavior while incarcerated.

In the beginning I loved my husband and was ready to spend the rest of my life with him, I truly thought that he was a good man, and a wonderful father, he just had a little bit of a temper… Sometimes. He would get mad sometimes, it started with yelling every now and then, then he started throwing things at me when he got mad, from there it slowly escalated to controlling my friends, made me quit my job, controlled who I talked to and what I talked about. Then it started to progress to physical violence and a lot of verbal abuse.

Looking at the cycle of violence it now all make sense to me. He completely isolated me from my friends and family, put me down on a daily basis; I never had any money unless I asked for it. He never supported my education. He was Completely obsessed with sex always accusing me of cheating on him, he also liked to use the kids to make me feel bad telling me that I was a bad mother and even using the kids to watch me and what I was doing or saying, he would threaten to kill me, himself, my family or the kids if I left or he said he would move with the kids to another country if I left and I would never see them again. He said if I left and took our son he would grow up a bastard because he would never have anything to do with him or kill himself. He said I would never ever be able to keep the 4 girls because they were not biologically mine. He tried to kill me more than once, shot a gun off in front of my infant son, and me twice. He treated me like a
servant making comments that the house was dirty and would not eat any food that I cooked, HE never let me go to church or get our children baptized and I was raised in a religious school and was accustomed to going to church, He was also very intimidating constantly making threats that I did not love him, I was cheating on him or that he would leave with the kids, often he would threaten physical violence if I disagreed with him things as simple as what time the kids should go bed.

I never ever thought that when I married him he would try to kill me. In August of 2006 he did try to kill me, he beat me unconscious with a rock in front of all of the children, Thought I was dead loaded me into the car to bury me and then proceeded to tell my children that he was going to kill them too but he said he would bury my son and I together..so we could be together. I woke up and basically was attacked again, talked my way out of him killing me by swearing to him that I would never tell anyone what happened, that I was a nurse I could take care of my own injuries and no one would ever know, just to please let me live. He held the children and I at gunpoint for an entire week before I finally had the opportunity to leave.

Something important that I think you should know and understand as healthcare professionals is that if you suspect in the slightest way that someone is being abused do not make a judgment. Do not force the person to leave or tell them what they should do. Instead listen to what they have to say, keep an open mind that if someone is talking to you about being abused it may be the first time. The very last thing they need to hear, believe it or not is why don’t you just leave. I heard this so many times in the hospital and by police officers. The truth is it truly not that simple to “ just leave”. Most of these women are so torn down emotionally they truly believe this relationship however harmful it is, is their only option. Again I never thought I would be with some one who controlled me and abused me as much as he did. Women in abusive relationships are extremely co-dependant on their abusers and they truly believe that this is it; this is what they are stuck with. For me it was extremely complicated because there were 5 little children involved 4 of whom were not biologically mine. That I could not just leave with him.

Unfortunately, all of my children were witness to domestic violence and it took me a long time to realize that he controlled me and he controlled our children. My children have suffered immensely due to the violence that they witnessed. Children know, they hear, they feel, they see it all and most important they remember. As much as I wish they did not know all this they do because they saw it heard it and were apart of it, they will never forget and it affects them daily. My children would even be so terrified of their dad they would lie to police and social workers about him. He would tell them what to say, he would tell them if I called the police they had to say I hit him even though I had not so I would go to jail not him. So I would not call or I would lie when they came. All of my children have severe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. When we lived with my ex husband two of my children failed grades, he would often keep them home to watch me alternating between the four older children. In 3 years we lived at least 10 different places. He would move us when the neighbors or police started to ask questions.

The children are the ones that seem to be most forgotten about in all of this violence, but I think being exposed to this violence so profoundly influences them. In the end the breaking point for me was not when he tried to kill me but when I woke up and realized what had happened that he thought I was dead and so did my children, that my children had seen it all, and all of them were too scared to help me, to run next door to the police officer’s house or call 911. That is when I knew I had to do something to help myself because no one was going to help me or my children.

That week while held hostage in my own home I was able to make a phone call and spoke with one man named Bill Mitchell who took the time to share with me his story about his daughter Kristen Mitchell and how she had been stabbed to death by her boyfriend, his family had lost their daughter…forever. I thought that cold be me, that coul dbe my mom or sister telling that story. After I heard him I had finally gathered enough strength I got that extra reality check, that extra strength to know I HAD to leave. After the support of my sister, mom, one man named Bill Mitchell and one single police officer that finally took the time to listen to me and not make any judgments. I left – I left with just me and my 5 kids I had $500.00 and no clothes, toys-nothing except me my kids and a cell phone. I made the decision for me and my children to leave everything behind. We lost everything the house the toys the car everything all gone. I have had to rebuild
slowly getting clothes and toys from friends and family. But no matter how hard it is it will never be as hard as living one day the way we did.

As healthcare professionals try to keep in mind that if you suspect Violence try and definitely talk ALONE with the patient. Let them know that there are options to help them. Let them know that you are there to listen and not make any judgments, encourage them to make baby steps toward a plan for better different life if not for them for their children. Do not make false promises but let them know that there are many resources in the community to help women in their situation, to help keep them safe. Encourage them to try and confide in at least one person and tell that person how they are feeling and what is happening, keep a journal or notebook of dates. It is very difficult to understand how a person lives day by day with their abuser.

Also keep in mind that if the abuser is with the victim a very good way to get the trust of the abuser is to get on his good side however hard that my be for you, In order to help the victim you have to have the trust of the abuser. This is really hard to do but try as hard as you cannot to make judgments if you suspect abuse. The abuser controls the victim. If he suspects that you have any hard feelings toward him he will shut her down automatically. He took me to the hospital numerous times, but the second he thought someone suspected abuse he made me leave.

Let me end with a few very interesting facts that I have learned about Domestic violence. Did you know..
Every 9 seconds a woman is physical abused in this country
Domestic Violence is the #1 cause of birth defects according to the march of dimes?
67% of abusers abuse their children
30% of all murders are women being killed by their partners
In 87% of violent homes, children witness the battering.
According to the US department of justice almost 54% of all men experienced physical assault as a child at the hands of an adult caretaker.

Now after I have left life is not easy, not easy at all it is extremely stressful being a single parent of 5 children with severe emotional issues, trying to make ends meet. Trying to make family members understand why I stayed, and some believe it or not why I left…and many whom blame me for their son, brother or uncle being in jail. But every day I am free- free to work, free to be a good parent, free to say what I want when I want, Every day gets better and better and for me and my children and I am truly thankful for every day in my life, because I know that every day is a gift to me and my children.

Thank you again for your time I hoped I have helped you understand a little bit more about Domestic Violence from a Survivors perspective. Thank you Chelsea Hayes

Adoption Day in Montgomery Co. Court

Two dozen families officially unite

Updated: Friday, 20 Nov 2009, 5:58 PM EST
Published : Friday, 20 Nov 2009, 5:58 PM EST

Tisha Thompson
tisha.thompson@foxtv.com

By TISHA THOMPSON/myfoxdc

ROCKVILLE, Md. - In a place where fidgety kids are normally not allowed, Montgomery County Courthouse #1 became 2-year-old Walter Best’s personal playground.

Walter crawled under court benches, grabbed at cameras and ran circles around the packed courtroom.

“I’ve been running behind him in the courtroom,” his exhausted grandmother Doris Deltoro explained. “But it’s worth it. It’s worth it.”

It's woorth it because Doris and her husband, Jose Deltoro, were waiting to adopt Walter. They were one of more than two dozen groups waiting to finally become a family.

Across the courtroom, John Ward and Marco Beltran beamed as they showed off 1-year-old Anthony.

Known only as a foster child named Baby Boy Doe, Anthony arrived at their home when he was just 3 days old.

“We were open to pretty much any child,” Ward explained. “We happened to have a crib, a nursery ready to go, and Anthony came.”

Beltran cried as Circuit Court Judge Katherine Savage called the new family to the dais and announced to the crowd, “Here come those magic words.” She read, “This is the judgment for adoption and change of name,” and the signed the document, officially giving Anthony his name.

Later, 12 year-old Sabrina Hayes stood with her three sisters as another judge declared all four the children of their stepmother, Chelsea Hayes.

“We were exposed to a lot of domestic violence,” Chelsea said.

She explained how she fled her marriage by taking her ex-husband’s four girls with her.

“I never thought I would be able to have the girls because they weren’t my biological children,” Hayes said.

Six years later, Sabrina said the ceremony was “amazing because I know I have somebody to love and somebody who loves me and we have a stable home.”

Her eldest sister, 15-year-old Samantha Hayes, then told her new mother, “I love you. Thank you for being there even in the bad times.”

Finally, it was little Walter’s turn, who calmed down just long enough for a judge to transform his paternal grandparents into simply “Mommy” and “Daddy.”

But within minutes, Walter was back in form, hollering at the top of his lungs as a worn-out but jubilant Doris smiled. “It’s a proud day,” she said. “I’m so happy.”

Original Article

ABC7 News Video

Mo. man suspected in Kansas killing of wife, kids

2009-11-30T02:11:00.000-05:00

By JOHN HANNA
Associated Press Writer

BURLINGAME, Kan. - A former city official from Missouri who lost his job after he was charged with assaulting his wife was accused Sunday of fatally shooting her and their teenage daughters in eastern Kansas.

The Kansas attorney general's office said in a statement that James Kraig Kahler, 46, was arrested Sunday on suspicion of three counts of capital murder in the deaths of his 44-year-old wife, Karen, and their daughters, Emily, 18, and 16-year-old Lauren.

He also is accused of attempted first-degree murder in the shooting of his wife's 89-year-old grandmother, Dorothy Wight, in whose home near Topeka the bodies were discovered on Saturday night.

Read More Here

ARE YOU A CARROT, AN EGG, OR A COFFEE BEAN?

2009-11-25T11:54:00.000-05:00

This was shared by a very special Survivor, and although not news, it's something that I think so many should read and think about, mostly those that are or have been through DV.

by Mary Sullivan
A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as if as soon as one problem was solved a new one arose. Her mother took her to the kitchen.

The mother filled three pots with water.

In the first, she placed carrots.
In the second she placed eggs.
And the last she placed ground coffee beans.

She let them sit and boil without saying a word. About twenty minutes later, she turned off the burners.

She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her daughter, she said, "Tell me what you see."

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied. (You known the tone of voice.)

She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did, and noted that they felt soft.

She then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg inside.

Finally, she asked her to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma.

The daughter then asked, "So, what's the point, mother?" (Remember the tone of voice.)

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity - boiling water - but each reacted differently.

The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.

The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid center. But, after sitting through the boiling water, its insides had become hardened.

The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water...they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your
door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot , an egg, or a coffee bean?"

Think of this: Which am I?

Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity, do I wilt
and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat?

Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial
hardship, or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my outer shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water - the very circumstances that bring the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor of the bean. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you instead of letting it change you.

When the hours are the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate to another level?

How do you handle Adversity?

ARE YOU A CARROT, AN EGG, OR A COFFEE BEAN?

Stephanie Winegeart

Have a Happy and SAFE Thanksgiving Season

2009-11-25T11:37:00.000-05:00

Dear Sisters,

I pray that you all have a Happy and SAFE Thanksgiving Season!

During the Holidays, Domestic Violence escalates. This is something that has been seen time and time again, and I was reminded of it yet again last night. I was at a friends home to visit, when her friend that I've met a few times came in with her 2 teenage girls crying. They had just come from talking to the police about the abusiveness of the father of the girls and a man that the mother had lived with for 15 years. She was trying to hold out through the Holidays for the girls, but it wasn't meant to be... Thankfully she had good friends to go to that will help hide her and the girls until she can get on her feet, yet, not all victims have that option.

It was just a reminder of how too many are out there, praying to just get through the holidays, and how many don't have the support that they need. Along with my Thanksgiving wishes to all is the hope that all of us reach out this season to those that we know, and maybe some that we don't, and support them through the holidays. Along with that is to let Victims and Survivors know that there is support, and not to be shy about reaching out for it just because it's the Holidays. There are many that care, and that will support you through it, all you have to do is reach out.......

--
Tracy Hommel
UAADV Founder
Providing the hope to survive today, tomorrow, and beyond...

What is the Second Chance Fund?

2009-11-12T12:26:00.000-05:00

This is something I ran across today, and wanted to put it out. Animal abuse and domestic violence are connected, the connection being understood more and more. The American Humane Society has a fund for those pets that are abused, to help with the medical costs and to give the injured animals a second chance.

From someone who's abuser abused their pets, I know the reality of the connection, and have heard all too often Victims not wanting to leave a pet behind because they know they'll be hurt by their abuser. Too often those victims stay because they can't find someone to take the pet and protect them. Seeing this is a step in the right direction.....

What is the Second Chance Fund?

The medical costs of treating and rehabilitating an abused animal can easily become overwhelming for any animal welfare organization -- particularly when long-term care is necessary. The Second Chance Fund is one way American Humane works to support member organizations in their vital work. By providing financial assistance, in select cases, to animal welfare organizations responsible for the temporary care of animals as they are prepared for adoption into permanent, loving homes, the program provides animal victims of abuse or neglect with a second chance at life.

To read more...

A story of hopeful love, turned to violence and murder

2009-11-12T00:21:00.002-05:00

This is something I decided to share on all of the blogs because I feel that through Mildred Muhammad’s pain, society as a whole can see yet again a bit of insight into a Domestic Violence Victim. Here is a Survivor that dealt with the “hidden” affects of DV, those that aren’t seen but leave deep scars.

“But in general this book is about domestic violence when there are no scars — the domestic abuse that strains the victims' credibility in some minds because there are no broken bones or blackened eyes, and because the perpetrator is such a smooth monster, and John Muhammad was certainly that. He once told his wife, “I'm going to fix it so that no one will ever believe you or want you.” Imagine that, after John Muhammad kidnapped his and Mildred's three children and fled with them to Antigua, where he stayed for 18 months. There were people who knew where her children were, but for whatever reason (maybe, they were afraid of John, too) wouldn't give Mildred any relief.”

This is something I feel that anyone dealing with those going through Domestic Violence should read. I have yet to read the book myself, but from what I’ve read and heard, it sounds like there were warning signs that could have prevented this monster from removing himself from “Behind Closed Doors” into becoming a monster that thousands feared. We’ve all “met” the monster, now I feel it’s time to meet the Survivor……

A story of hopeful love, turned to violence and murder

Betty Winston Bayé • October 27, 2009

One day my ex-husband and the father of my children will be executed. I am still processing this fact. … Until that day execution seems like just another word. I cannot begin to comprehend how I will feel when this day comes, but I will have to lead my children through their grief.

MILDRED MUHAMMAD,
author of ‘Scared Silent'

The man that Mildred Muhammad loved, married in 1983 and bore three children for was a charming liar and cunning manipulator. He's John Allen (Williams) Muhammad, aka “The D.C. Sniper,” who in 2002, with teenager Lee Boyd Malvo, engaged in a three-week killing spree during which 13 people were shot, 10 of them fatally. The two also are implicated in other murders in Alabama and Tacoma, Wash. Their D.C.-area victims were randomly chosen as they engaged in the most mundane things: mowing grass, pumping gasoline, walking across a mall parking lot and waiting for a school bus. Thus, the terrifying fear as people wondered who would be next.

When they met in Baton Rouge, La., John Williams cast himself as the handsome prince come to sweep Cinderella off her feet. John immediately went to work on Mildred's heart. His tears appealed to her sensitive side as did his tale of a sad childhood in New Orleans, where his mother died of breast cancer. John had big dreams and once looked Mildred in the eye and said, “I'm looking for someone to share my life.” That did it for Mildred, who said that John had her at a disadvantage because “my ideas of how a man should behave in a relationship were all romanticized and based on television, movies and hearsay.”

What Mildred didn't know was that John was already married. Buy the book to learn the rest of that story.

But in general this book is about domestic violence when there are no scars — the domestic abuse that strains the victims' credibility in some minds because there are no broken bones or blackened eyes, and because the perpetrator is such a smooth monster, and John Muhammad was certainly that. He once told his wife, “I'm going to fix it so that no one will ever believe you or want you.” Imagine that, after John Muhammad kidnapped his and Mildred's three children and fled with them to Antigua, where he stayed for 18 months. There were people who knew where her children were, but for whatever reason (maybe, they were afraid of John, too) wouldn't give Mildred any relief.

Perhaps John Muhammad suffered post-traumatic stress after serving in the Gulf War, but even before he joined the Army, there were clues that he may have been a troubled young man. When things didn't go his way — even if it was while playing tag or Monopoly with his children — John would pout and change the rules.

Mildred's story of life with an abusive man who became a notorious killer is the tale of a woman fighting desperately to save her sanity, her physical self and her children. Hers is also a story of the power of prayer and friends and strangers who intervened. At the back of the book, there are resources for domestic abuse victims, for the people who love them or who simply want to gain a better understanding of the complex issues involved. The book even includes a “safety plan” with advice on how to prepare to get away from an abusive situation and what to take when you leave.

With John Muhammad behind bars, Mildred and her children finally are free from the terror. She remarried in 2007. Her son is in college, and her two daughters plan to attend colleges of performing arts. Mildred is on the speaking circuit; she's on the board of several organizations; consults with the federal Office for Victims of Crimes; and she's created “After the Trauma” to assist victims of domestic violence.

But for all the good stuff, a fairy-tale happy ending is still elusive because, as Mildred said, there's the execution to be dealt with, and she wrote, “My brain still has difficulty coming to terms with the fact that John was going to kill me; that I am not supposed to be here. I was supposed to be a statistic. And at times, my imagination still presents me a gruesome and graphic picture of a bloody, dead me.”

Original Article

Domestic Violence is a pattern of behavior...

2009-11-01T18:42:00.000-05:00

I stumbled upon this information, and just wanted to share because of the way they put it truly goes along with the way I feel about Domestic Violence. The children that are exposed to Domestic Violence are the ones that need to most consideration and the most help and protection. Not only are they continued their exposure to domestic violence when made to have visitations with an abuser, but the damage is usually done and the next generation of abusers and victims are made. This is what we are fighting for! Yes, we are fighting to help get any Victim out of a Domestic Violence situation, but so many times we focus on only the adults, but what about the children? The children who don't have a voice because they are too young to speak out?

Too often I hear that abusers are put through "Anger Management" treatments and low and behold they are cured! If they had anger issues, it wouldn't be hidden behind closed doors but in their work place, in society, and they would have already gotten into trouble with the law before getting in trouble for Domestic Violence. Too often abusers go through this course, and then get to have visitations again with children that are already traumatized because of prior abuse, yet, the adult victim is most often made to continue the visitations or go to jail. What happened to a parent protecting their child? What happened to a Mother knowing that the children aren't safe with the abuser, yet MADE to let the children go for visitations as they sit at home in fear praying that the children come home safely.

Too often we hear "Why doesn't she just leave?" Would you leave if it could possibly cost you your children as it has so many?? Or would you stay and deal with the monster that you already know? Unfortunately, too many feel that they are safer dealing with the abuse and keeping it away from the children as much as possible, instead of running the risk of the abuser getting visitations, or worse, custody of the children and them not being able to protect them.

This part I feel says it all: "Abusive behaviors are not symptoms that someone is angry or out of control. An abuser makes a choice to exert power and control over his or her partner."

If you believe that that abuse and need of power and control ends when the victim leaves the abuser, you are sadly mistaken. Too many times it's when it begins a new cycle, and too many are paying that price...

Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence is a pattern of behavior where one partner in an intimate relationship chooses to use coercion, controlling and abusive behaviors to establish and maintain power and control over the other person. Tactics can include physical, psychological, sexual, economic, and emotional abuse. Domestic violence can happen to anyone regardless of race, age, sexual orientation, religion, or gender. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels. Domestic violence occurs in both opposite-sex and same-sex relationships and can happen to intimate partners who are married, living together, separated, or dating. According to the U.S. Dept. of Justice "Family Violence Statistics" published in June 2005, females were 84% of spousal abuse victims and 86% of abuse victims at the hands of a boyfriend.

Domestic violence not only affects those who are abused, but also has a substantial effect on family members, friends, co-workers, other witnesses, and the community at large. Children, who grow up witnessing domestic violence, are among those seriously affected by this crime. Frequent exposure to violence in the home not only predisposes children to numerous social and physical problems, but also teaches them that violence is a normal way of life - therefore, increasing their risk of becoming society's next generation of victims and abusers.

Abusive behaviors are not symptoms that someone is angry or out of control. An abuser makes a choice to exert power and control over his or her partner.

http://www.community-works.org/index.php?/cw/domestic_violence/

Leader's son will be first to face FLDS sex assault trial

2009-10-25T20:34:00.001-05:00

First FLDS sex assault trial starts on Monday

Polygamist sect leader's son is accused of having sex with minors

By TERRI LANGFORD
HOUSTON CHRONICLE

Oct. 24, 2009, 8:16AM

DPS

Prosecutors say one wife of Raymond Merrill Jessop, 38, was younger than 18 when she gave birth.

The son of one of the most powerful families within a polygamist Mormon sect goes to trial for sexual assault Monday, a case in which Texas prosecutors will provide their first public evidence that Fundamentalist Church of Latter Day Saints men engaged in sex with underage girls.

Raymond Merril Jessop, 38, is the first to face trial among 12 defendants who live at the sect's Yearning For Zion Ranch in Eldorado and are accused of arranging or participating in underage marriages. His father, Frederick Merril Jessop is the senior leader of the FLDS because the group's prophet, Warren Jeffs, is jailed in Utah for forcing girls into underage marriages in that state.

Both also are among the defendants in the Texas case, and each will be tried separately.

“I kept hoping this trial would go away,” said Willie Jessop, a spokesman for FLDS, who is not related to the defendant. “We're disappointed that they're moving forward with their program. We keep thinking they're going to recognize this thing as a hoax.”

The indictments are the result of documents and evidence pulled out of the YFZ ranch by the Texas Department of Public Safety after a caller, now believed to be a hoaxer, called a women's shelter in San Angelo in late March 2008. The caller claimed to be a physically and sexually abused teen-wife named Sarah.

Officials with the women's shelter notified Texas Child Protective Services and caseworkers were sent to the ranch a few days later. After seeing several young girls who were pregnant or mothers, a decision was made to remove all 439 children from the ranch, a move that was later reversed by the Texas Supreme Court.

The children were removed from the ranch and placed in foster homes across the state — an action that cost Texas taxpayers at least $12 million, authorities said. Eventually reunited with the parents, the raid on the ranch and the subsequent legal battles over their welfare ignited a national debate over religious freedom and property rights.

Sex with minor girls?

The particular charges in this first trial involve one of Jessop's nine wives whom prosecutors believe was less than 18 years of age when she gave birth to Jessop's daughter. The child was 3 years old at the time of the raid, said Willie Jessop.

The fact that the sect members “married” teenage girls younger than 18 years of age is not in dispute. The Texas Attorney General's Office will have to prove to jurors that the sect's idea of marriage involved sex with minor girls, which will not be an easy task considering that many of the children do not have birth certificates.

Last month, Deputy Attorney General Eric Nichols, the lead prosecutor, notified the court he would be introducing a number of extraneous acts and offenses in Raymond Jessop's case.

The allegations include how Jessop moved a 26-year-old pregnant wife out of the master bedroom in 1999 and moved a 19-year-old wife in; how he placed a 16-year-old wife and unborn child in danger in 2005; how he allegedly conspired with Jeffs, the church's leader, to commit acts of sexual assault and transporting a minor across state lines in 2005; alleged illegal banking activity that same year; and his reported abandonment in 2007 of nine wives and 22 children.

Reporting for jury duty

Hundreds of FLDS members who had lived along the border of Arizona and Utah for years, began moving to Eldorado in 2002 after buying 1,700 acres just northeast of the tiny town. Before the raid, Texas officials believed there were about 55 children at the ranch.

Most of the 439 were born on the ranch.

The FLDS broke from the larger Mormon Church over the issue of polygamy.

Since the raid, the FLDS members have said they are committed not to engage in underage marriages. Asked Friday whether they were living up to that commitment, Willie Jessop said he had no way of knowing what other people do.

“I don't know that,” he said.

The Schleicher County District Clerk's Office has called 300 of the county's approximate 2,800 residents to report Monday as potential jurors for the trial in Eldorado, about 400 miles northwest of Houston.

It is not known how many of the 300 potential jurors are FLDS members.

State District Judge Barbara Walther will try to seat a jury in Eldorado.

But if it is not possible, it may be necessary to move the trial to nearby San Angelo.

terri.langford@chron.com

Leader's son will be first to face FLDS sex assault trial | Houston & Texas News | Chron.com - Houston Chronicle

Strangulation attacks now carry year in jail

2009-10-25T10:42:00.001-05:00

By Jaclyn O'Malley • jomalley@rgj.com • October 25, 2009

For many victims of domestic violence, the name-calling, slapping and pushing escalates into a pair of hands gripping so tightly around their necks, they can't breathe.

Many report they believe they are dying while their brains and bodies are depleted of oxygen at the hands of a loved one. Some lose consciousness within a minute, and are lucky if they survive, domestic violence advocates say.

But a new law is giving police officers and prosecutors some teeth in charging suspects who use this potentially lethal form of abuse. As of July, the act became a felony that has a minimum sentence of one year in prison. Before the change, abusers were charged with misdemeanor domestic battery and faced a maximum of six months in jail.

More than three dozen men and two women have been arrested in Washoe County in the three months since the new law took effect.

"We now have a way of taking away an abuser's tool of asserting power against someone by cu...Read the rest of this two page article here: Strangulation attacks now carry year in jail | rgj.com | Reno Gazette-Journal

Tapping cell phones | Spyware | Mobile Phones | Spy Software - WTHR |

2009-10-25T09:52:00.001-05:00

Tapping your cell phone

Posted: Nov 13, 2008 6:39 PM EST Thursday,

Updated: Jun 29, 2009 10:58 AM EDT Monday,

NEWS LINKS

Protecting your cell phone

Cell phones and privacy protection

Bob Segall/13 Investigates

Imagine someone watching your every move, hearing everything you say and knowing where you are at every moment. If you have a cell phone, it could happen to you. 13 Investigates explains how your cell phone can be secretly hijacked and used against you - and how to protect yourself.

After four months of harassing phone calls, Courtney Kuykendall was afraid to answer her cell phone.
The Tacoma, Washington, teenager was receiving graphic, violent threats at all hours.
And when she and her family changed their cell phone numbers and got new phones, the calls continued.
Using deep scratchy voices, anonymous stalkers literally took control of the Kuykendall's cell phones, repeatedly threatened Courtney with murder and rape, and began following the family's every move.
"They're listening to us and recording us," Courtney's mother, Heather Kuykendall, told NBC's Today Show. "We know that because they will record us and play it back as a voicemail."
How is something like this possible?
Just take a look on the internet. That's where you'll find the latest spy technology for cell phones.
"Anywhere, anytime"

Spyware marketers claim you can tap into someone's calls, read their text messages and track their movements "anywhere, anytime." They say you can "catch a cheating spouse", protect your children from an evil babysitter and "hear what your boss is saying about you." And while you're spying on others, the Spyware companies say "no one will ever know" because it's supposed to be "completely invisible" with "absolutely no trace."
Security experts say it's no internet hoax.

"It's real, and it is pretty creepy," said Rick Mislan, a former military intelligence officer who now teaches cyber forensics at Purdue University's Department of Computer and Information Technology.

Mislan has examined thousands of cell phones inside Purdue's Cyber Forensics Lab, and he says spy software can now make even the most high-tech cell phone vulnerable.
"I think a lot of people think their cell phone calls are very secure but our privacy isn't always what we think it is."
Is your privacy truly at risk?
13 Investigates tested some cell phone Spyware to find out.
With the permission of WTHR producer Cyndee Hebert, 13 Investigates purchased and downloaded Spyware on her personal cell phone.
Hebert agreed to be spied on - if the spy software lived up to its bold claims.
WTHR's Spy Test
The process of downloading the software took several attempts and a great deal of patience. But once the spy program was installed, Hebert's phone could indeed be tapped into at any time - just as its distributor promised.
While Hebert was at home making phone calls to her family, investigative reporter Bob Segall was outside her house, listening to the conversations on his cell phone.
And there's more - much more.
Every time Hebert made or received a phone call, Segall received an instant text message, telling him that Hebert was talking on her cell phone so that Segall could call in and listen.
On his computer, Segall also got a copy of Hebert's text messages and a list of phone numbers detailing each incoming and outgoing call to Hebert's cell phone.
And no matter where Hebert went with her phone, Segall received constant satellite updates on her location. He could literally track Hebert anywhere she went.
"It's hard to believe you can do all that," Hebert said when she saw the spy software in action. "I think that's really scary."
It gets even scarier.

When spy software was installed onto Hebert's phone, that phone became an instant spy device - even when the phone was not being used.
As Hebert's cell phone was simply sitting on a table or attached to her purse, Segall could activate the speaker on the phone and secretly listen in to the phone's surroundings. While Hebert was in a meeting on the 36th floor of a downtown Indianapolis building, Segall heard her conversations, even though he was four miles away.
13 Investigates found more than a dozen companies willing to sell this type of cell phone spy software, which ranges in price from $60 to $3,000. The majority of the companies are located in foreign countries such as Thailand, Taiwan and the United Kingdom - and for good reason.
Most of the advertised applications for the spy software are illegal in the United States, and the existence of the software angers CTIA-The Wireless Association, an industry organization representing the nation's major cell phone manufacturers.
"These are gross violations of federal and state laws," said association spokesman Joe Farren. "It's very clear, without their express permission, you can't listen in to someone's phone calls, you cannot read their text messages, you can't track their movements. You can't do any of those things and there are numerous laws being broken."
Farren said his organization was not familiar with cell phone Spyware prior to WTHR's investigation, adding "I can tell you our lawyers and engineers are now looking into this."
Government spying
The United States government is familiar with spy software for cell phones.
In 2003 and 2004, the FBI used cell phone spy software to eavesdrop on the conversations of organized crime families in New York, and it used those conversations in its federal prosecutions.
Private investigator Tim Wilcox says several federal agencies rely on cell phone spying technology to monitor suspected criminals, and he says private citizens are now using the technology, too.
"The technology is there. It's been there a long time. It's accessible, and it's done all the time," Wilcox said.
As founder of Indianapolis-based International Investigators Inc., Wilcox says he receives daily letters and e-mails from people wanting help with "cell phone bugging," the ability to download spy software onto a cell phone, turning it into a secret listening device.
"There's only two kinds of people," Wilcox said, holding a large stack of e-mails. "One wants to bug somebody and the other has been bugged and wants to know how it's being done and how to find out and how to stop it.... it's a federal crime, but it's still happening."
The harassment eventually did stop for the Kuykendalls, but only after they brought in police and the FBI. While authorities never figured out who hijacked the family's cell phones, security experts say the case serves as a powerful lesson for others.
"Your privacy is not your privacy. It is exposed and it is exploited," Mislan said. "The key is being vigilant and knowing how to protect yourself.

How to protect yourself
Mislan suggests keeping a close eye on your cell phone so that others never get an opportunity to download information such as spy software when you're not looking. He also says it's important to install a security password on your phone to restrict anyone else from using it.
And while some Spyware marketers claim their products can be used on any make and model of cell phone, Mislan says high-end cell phones that include internet access and online capability are particularly vulnerable to Spyware tapping. To limit the ability of others to download certain types of spyware onto your phone, choose a cell phone that is not internet-accessible.
Wilcox recommends removing the battery from your cell phone when it's not being used and, for sensitive phone calls, he suggests making them on a newly-purchased cell phone that comes with a pre-paid month-to-month service plan.
Based on WTHR's test, here are some subtle signs that could suggest your cell phone is being secretly tapped:
- Cell phone battery is warm even when your phone has not been used
- Cell phone lights up at unexpected times, including occasions when phone is not in use
- Unexpected beep or click during phone conversation

To view the video, please go to the original link here: Tapping cell phones | Spyware | Mobile Phones | Spy Software - WTHR |

Abuse of moms may stunt kid's growth | Health | Reuters

2009-10-23T08:16:00.001-05:00

http://www.reuters.com/article/healthNews/idUSTRE59L4WJ20091022

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Children of abused mothers may be smaller at birth and show stunted early growth, according to research from Bangladesh.

Prior studies have shown that physical and sexual violence against women is associated with low birth weight of the offspring, as well as with an increased risk of early infant death.

To investigate further, Dr. Kajsa Asling-Monemi, at Uppsala University in Sweden, and colleagues determined the birth weight of 3,164 children and followed their early growth patterns until they were 2 years old.

Their mothers -- 4,436 altogether -- were mostly married and not employed. They were 26 years old on average at the start of the study.

Half of the mothers reported being a victim of some sort of family violence during their lives.

Fourteen percent experienced physical violence that involved slapping or shoving and 8 percent suffered more severe violence such as hitting, kicking, dragging, or choking. Eight percent of the women experienced severe violence while pregnant.

Additionally, 24 percent of the women reported some sort of sexual abuse, and another 28 percent said they had been insulted, humiliated, intimidated, or experienced other emotional abuse.

At birth, the children in the study weighed 2701 grams (about 6 pounds), on average. Overall, 33 percent were considered low birth weight, weighing less than 2500 grams (5.5 pounds) at birth. Children born to mothers reporting any type of violence tended to be in this low birth weight group.

Among children born to mothers reporting any violence, nearly 42 percent were underweight, about 13 percent were undernourished, and more than 55 percent had an impaired growth pattern known as stunting by the age of 2 years.

By contrast, among children of non-abused mothers, 37 percent were underweight, about 11 percent were undernourished, and almost 50 percent were stunted.

The association between mothers' abuse and impaired growth of their children remained strong after the investigators allowed for mother's education, number of previous births, and religion (Hindu mothers tended to have children who weighed less and were of shorter length than Muslim mothers).

Though most of the size differences between children born to abused, versus non-abused, mothers is present at birth, these findings show "violence-related growth retardation became more pronounced during the 2 years of follow up," Asling-Monemi and co-investigators point out in the Archives of Disease in Childhood.

This study, they conclude, adds to the "multitude of confirmed and plausible health consequences" caused by violence against women.

SOURCE: Archives of Disease in Childhood, October 2009

Abuse of moms may stunt kid's growth | Health | Reuters

Domestic Violence Survivor Claudine Dombrowski Speaks Openly

2009-10-21T12:33:00.000-05:00

Domestic violence is on the rise in Shawnee County

http://www.ktka.com/news/2009/oct/20/domestic_violence_rise_shawnee_county/

Story by Jessica Drew (Contact)

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED 02:59 P.M., OCTOBER 20, 2009

UPDATED 05:48 P.M., OCTOBER 20, 2009

" INJUSTICE IN YOUR OWN BACKYARD"

2009-10-20T09:29:00.000-05:00

PROTECTIVE MOTHERS ALLIANCE SUPPORTS LORRAINE TIPTON

On 10/14/09, Judge David Miron, Marinette County Circuit Court, stated that a disabled mother, Lorraine Tipton (formerly Fetterly) may be jailed for 30 days, on contempt of court charges. This contempt is due to the fact that her 11 year old daughter refuses to visit her abusive father, Craig Hensberger.

In fact, the forty one year old mother is facing another contempt charge. This charge involves the father's intention to claim the child on his 2008 taxes, even though the IRS sanctioned him for claiming his child "EIC" from 1999 to 2007 unlawfully. This contempt charge would force the mother to potentially face another 30 days in county jail.

Mrs. Tipton, never married the father, Craig Hensberger, and left the abusive relationship in 2005. Since then Mrs. Tipton has moved on, married and put her life back together. Regardless, Mr. Hensberger continually has taken her back to court, three times in 12 months, regarding the 11 year old daughter's refusal to visit her abusive father.

You may recognize the name of Craig Hensberger, as the father from the news story highlighted in Fox 11, NBC 26 and other local newspapers. This story entitled "Fishy Tale" broke in March of this year. The father, Craig Hensberger, caught a fish weeks in advance, kept it alive in a fish tank and succeeded in fraudulently presently this fish to three different fishing tournaments in one weekend. The daughter won these tournaments based on her fathers hoax.
For more information on this news story, please click on this link.
http://www.nbc26.com/Global/story.asp?S=10005532

But Craig Hensberger's crimes do not end here. Previously in June 2005 this father was arrested for his second DUI in less than a year with his daughter as a passenger. In another incident the child disclosed sexual abuse about her father in 2006. Once again instead of helping the child, CPS, Aaron Krzewinksi (Guardian Ad Litem) and other court professionals placed her back into the hands of her abusive father.

CPS finally did substantiate the abuse in 2008 but the father found a loophole and was granted an administrative appeal by Oconto County Family Court Commissioner, Frank M. Calvert.

Previously, in 2007, Mr. Calvert recused himself from any proceedings regarding Mrs. Tipton due to his role as Guardian Ad Litem in her divorce/custody dispute with her ex husband.

On May 21, 2008, Mr. Calvert held a hearing, in which Mrs. Tipton was not notified. This ex parte hearing unsubstantiated the sexual abuse and attacked the character and credibility of Mrs. Tipton.

The most interesting fact on this case is that this is a "Paternity" case and the mother had sole legal custody until her former abuser, Craig Hensberger, forged her signature on a court stipulation in 2002.

The stipulation gave him "50/50" custody and forgave back child support that was owed. The Oconto District Attorney, Jay Conley, told Mrs. Tipton that "even though we know who the likely suspect is we have no proof". Because of this the District Attorney refused to investigate and/or file charges.

The refusal of the District Attorney, Jay Conley, to investigate and/or file charges prompted Mrs. Tipton to get her own hand writing analysis. The forensic hand writing analysis expert confirmed that it was not her signature. When she presented this evidence to the District Attorney these findings were minimized and ignored with Mr. Conley stating, "This only proves this is not your signature".

We at Protective Mothers Alliance support Lorraine Tipton as she is a protective mother. Protective Mothers Alliance is a "grassroots" organization founded by Lundy Bancroft and Janice Levinson. We are dedicated to ensuring the rights of children and protective mothers in family court.

For more information about the horrible injustice that is being done to Lorraine Tipton and her daughter you may visit the PMA supports Lorraine Tipton site:
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/group.php?gid=186300639921&ref=ts
You can also visit the Lundy Bancroft/ Janice Levinson Protective Mothers Alliance page:
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=58041937814#/group.php?gid=58041937814&v=info

Documentation available upon request.

Feel free to contact with any questions or concerns.

Janice Levinson
Co Founder/Co Director
Protective Mothers Alliance International
PMA....a family of advocates

Leadership Council's Child Abuse and Custody Questionnaire

2009-10-18T07:09:00.001-05:00

The Leadership Council is conducting a survey about Child Abuse and Custody. If you fit into a category where either of those pertain to you, I urge you to take this survey. Below is a little about it. It takes about 20 to 30 minutes. Without people doing the research to show that laws need to be revamped, changed or new ones all together......these laws will remain and abuse will continue to reign, with very little consequences to the abusers. Please pass this on to anyone else you think may be interested in taking this survey. Any bloggers out there? Blog it too, please!

Long URL: https://www.leadershipcouncil.org/survey/index.php?ch=d88fc6edf21ea464d35ff76288b84103
Short URL: http://bit.ly/3hf6hB

The responses on this questionnaire will be reviewed and tabulated regularly to supply information to the media, legislators and academic investigations.

The information you post is confidential and will be reviewed only by the researchers and administrators who are working with the data. It cannot be accessed by the public, and as research data is protected information.

The information from this questionnaire will be utilized for the purpose of furthering our understanding of child protection issues. Group trends will be shared, but no individual data will be shared without explicit permission from you.

Thank you very much for your efforts in helping us generate information that may protect children from abuse.

The Leadership Council is a nonprofit independent scientific organization composed of respected scientists, clinicians, educators, legal scholars, and public policy analysts. We are committed to providing professionals and lay persons with the latest scientific information on issues that may affect the public's health and safety. We also seek to correct the misuse of psychological science to serve vested interests or justify victimizing vulnerable populations -- especially abused and neglected children. The Leadership Council - Homepage

Family Violence in Canada Annual Report

2009-10-17T08:28:00.001-05:00

This is the twelfth annual Family Violence in Canada report produced by the Canadian Centre for Justice Statistics under the Federal Family Violence Initiative. This annual report provides the most current data on the nature and extent of family violence in Canada, as well as trends over time, as part of the ongoing initiative to inform policy makers and the public about family violence issues.

Each year the report has a different focus. This year, the focus of the report is a profile of shelters that provide residential services to women and children fleeing abusive situations. Data for this profile come from the Transition Home Survey, a biennial census of residential facilities for female victims of family violence in Canada.

In addition, using police-reported data, the report also presents fact sheets, data tables and figures examining spousal violence, family violence against children and youth, family violence against seniors (aged 65 years and older), and family-related homicides.

To view or download the report please visit the StatCan Website, or follow the link above.

CA victim confidential address program getting update effective Jan 2010

2009-10-17T08:21:00.001-05:00

Friday, October 16, 2009

CA victim confidential address program getting update effective Jan 2010

The California Secretary of State released today that the Safe At Home Victim Confidential Address Program is getting a much needed update to aid victims wanting a confidential name change.
Presently name changes are public records even for victims of crime including victims of domestic violence who are at a high risk for stalking, continued harassment or even death.
With the upgrade to the Safe At Home Program it is indicated that victims' in the program will be given special accommodations stemming form this legislation that will mark their name changes confidential so that they prevent publication in public records databases and datafurnishing companies.
I hope this update is actually implemented. Far too often legislation is passed and caught in what I refer to often as a, "legislative log jam" and quality life saving legislation that benefits victims' never comes to fruition, and the old saying "fail to plan, plan to fail" applies.
This is good news that CA Secretary of State is finally considering updates, I have lobbied for them for almost 5 years when I first realized how flawed the CA Safe At Home Program was and how dangerous it is for victims who rely upon it without disclaimers of its short comings.
I remain cautious and skeptical knowing that big government has big flaws and for victims of domestic violence its far too often a matter or life or death so it is always better to error on the side of safety.
A message to those reading including vulnerable victims' of domestic violence, rape and stalking please be advised it won't take much for this program update to fail. It would only take one person to miss the "confidential stamp" on the courts file or within the cover sheet of the name change paperwork to have what should have been a "confidential name change" become part of cyberspace and published within the on-line datafurnishing agencies for all (including the batterers) to see.
Proceeding with cautious optimism.
If you are a victim of crime in need of privacy protection you are not alone, please visit Survivors In Action web site.
Privacy protection is a serious matter. Whether you are a defendant who testified in a criminal case, law enforcement that tackles the bad guys or a senior wanting to prevent identity theft, privacy protection is a serious concern that everyone has to address in the very visible 21st century and Survivors In Action is here to help ensure "No Victim is Left Behind"
Survivors In Action
"No Victim Left Behind"

Alexis A. Moore: CA victim confidential address program getting update effective Jan 2010

Soldiers, family, community prevent domestic abuse

2009-10-16T13:39:00.001-05:00

Oct 15, 2009

By Cheryl Harrison

Photo credit Cheryl Harrison
Pvt. Enedina Greer, 232nd Medical Battalion, solemnly holds her candle high during a candlelight vigil and silent witness presentation, all part of the Domestic Violence Awareness and Prevention Month ceremony on Fort Sam Houston, Texas.

Related Links

STAND TO! Army Domestic Abuse Prevention/Awareness Month

National Domestic Violence Awareness Month Presidential Proclamation

National Resource Center on Domestic Violence Web site

FORT SAM HOUSTON, Texas -- In an effort to bring Domestic Violence Awareness and Prevention Month to everyone's attention, the annual opening ceremony was held here, Oct. 1 at Army Community Services.
October is the month that each year as much information as possible is presented throughout the civilian and military communities to recognize the Domestic Violence Prevention program.
Michael Waldrop, deputy to the U.S. Army Garrison commander, Fort Sam Houston, opened the ceremony with remarks and the reading of the proclamation.
"The Army is now fully cognizant that the total well being of our Soldiers is totally dependent on the well being of our Soldier's families. The quality of life and maintenance of that quality of life is important to all of us and important to the Army in a broad perspective. To meet the mission we must preserve that quality and that includes domestic violence," said Waldrop.
Each year 3.5 million violations are committed against family members. The Army has its proportionate share of that. Domestic violence is not to be condoned. Do not turn a blind eye."
During the ceremony, stories of domestic abuse were read from the female and male perspective. Silhouettes were also on display with other stories of violence against family members.
In a more poignant testimony, Sarah Small, the guest speaker, told her story of seven years of abuse by her then husband, and prince charming, who also was a member of law enforcement. Her words were ones that would echo in the minds of the listeners.
"It couldn't happen to me," said Small of her life before the abuse began. But, she found it could happen to her, and it could happen to anyone.
Small, an advocate for domestic abuse awareness, spoke from the heart as she replayed the events that led to her writing her own obituary over five years ago. However, her words weren't needed and she is a survivor of a crowbar attack to her head and face, and loaded guns put to her head and in her mouth, stabbings, punching, slaps and even the killing of her dogs as means of threatening intimidation.
Small survived the seven years of brutal abuse and today uses her story to tell others of how domestic abuse can happen to anyone. "As an 'Army of one' we need to be aware of the unusual. Ask about the sunglasses if they aren't the norm for an individual, unusual bruises, sudden withdrawal, be aware," urged Small.
Following Small's unforgettable words of terror and escape from her abuser was a candlelight vigil, a silent witness presentation in honor of the victims of domestic abuse. Members of the audience held flickering 'candles' as the Domestic Violence Awareness and Prevention ceremony came to a solemn conclusion.
Domestic Violence Awareness is something everyone needs take seriously. Survivors don't necessarily like to stand before a crowd and share their stories of abuse, but everyone needs to hear them. If they make the listeners squirm in their seats then the words have touched the heart.
From the words of the proclamation, "We need all Soldiers, civilians, family members and retirees at this installation to dedicate themselves to the prevention of domestic abuse. Everyone is called upon to be a part of the perfect combination for prevention."

Soldiers, family, community prevent domestic abuse

California's GOP vote-boycott ends, key bills pass

2009-10-15T10:39:00.001-05:00

Squabbles -- both between and within the parties -- are set aside as senators unanimously vote to restore domestic violence funding and make it easier for localities to borrow money.

Reporting from Sacramento - Setting aside political squabbles, Senate Republicans lifted their blockade on several budget bills Wednesday, voting with Democrats to approve measures that restore funding cut from domestic violence shelters and help cities and counties borrow money to balance their budgets.
Republican lawmakers had refused last month to help muster the necessary two-thirds vote for two dozen pieces of legislation in a dispute over unrelated matters.
"We've resolved the issues and we're moving forward," Senate minority leader Dennis Hollingsworth of Murrieta said after Wednesday's vote.
Lawmakers said they hope to carry the new bipartisanship into negotiations over a plan to upgrade California's water system. The Senate on Wednesday gaveled in special sessions on water and tax reform.
Senators voted unanimously to approve a measure restoring $16 million cut from the budget for 94 domestic violence shelters, forcing half a dozen shelters to close and others to reduce their services.
"We have put more families at risk," Sen. Leland Yee (D-San Francisco) said of the cuts. "When shelters close down, lives are at stake."
The spat between the two parties was not the only one that affected SB3X 13. The Democratic leadership stripped Yee's authorship of the bill... Read more here: California's GOP vote-boycott ends, key bills pass -- latimes.com

Abusers Use the Court System to Continue Victimization

2009-10-14T13:03:00.000-05:00

This is a copy of the speech written by Gail Lakritz and given today by Angela Warren at the Pueblo Colorado Conference. This speech was given to judges, police, lawyers and DV advocates.

How Abusers Use The Court System To Continue to Victimize Their Partners and Children

When a woman finally makes that decision to end the abuse and to flee the abusive situation, she rightfully expects that the police, her lawyers and the courts will protect her and her children from further harm. Being a member of the Sheriff's Posse, that is what I was thought. After all, the courts always operate solely by the law, correct? (Scan audience for nods of agreement) We all know that does not happen and that is why I was so confused by my litigation. When injustice reared its ugly head, it flew in the face of everything I thought our country stood for, and, as with most victims of abuse, I came to realize that the system is stacked against the victim.

Today, I want to speak to you about some of the ways the abuser will use the system to further the abuse during the litigation process. It is my hope that, by exposing these tactics, you will recognize in your peers, and perhaps yourselves, what is being done has real, and all too often, deadly consequences.

The litigation abuse begins the moment the abuser is arrested. He plays on the sympathy of the arresting officers. He will use excuses to enlist them in his game. He is, after all, a master at deception. He has years of practice. He is the person who can look you straight in the eye and lie. During the ride to the lock up, he will say things like "She is an alcoholic or a drug addict", "She is always picking on the kids" or "She takes all the money and spends it on herself and we never have enough to eat." Anything that will garner sympathy and sway them to lessen the severity of what is written in the arrest report. And, being taught to spot the antagonist of a situation as they true perpetrator of the situation, the police officer, who is generally male, will empathize with the abuser, and slant his report to favor the abuser. He will ignore what he has been taught, that the victim is most often the one who is hysterical and angry at having been attacked and side with the often calm and rational sounding architect of the situation. And the abuser has gained his first needed corner stone to further the abuse, for in the future, any calls to 911 will be met with skepticism by the police and all future reports of violence will be seen as insane acts by the actual victim.

During the booking process and his appearance for arraignment, when the victim is not present to hear what is being said to the magistrate, he will again repeat his reasons for the attack. Laying the blame on the victim. Now he has widened his circle of conspirators. Word will filter from these people to the Bailiff and on to the judge that there were "extenuating circumstances" that predicated the attack.

Now, as we all know, the key to any successful litigation is money. With money, comes the right lawyers and a venue that is considered to be the "home turf" for that lawyer. Abusers control the money, therefore, they can afford the lawyers who consider winning to be the sole measure of success, not the just application of the law.

In each court system in America, there are lawyers that are known to be the "dirty trick" lawyers. They are the ones who use often unethical and illegal means to deny the Constitutional Rights of a litigant and victim. They will look the other way, or outright encourage, the use of terror tactics against a victim. Judges and other lawyers within the local Bar Association know who these practitioners are will look the other way. In some court systems, judges will actually instruct new lawyers with "I don't care what you do in my courtroom so long as I am not investigated" leaving the avenue open for them to ply their brand of law in any manner they see fit. The idea is to win, not to be just. The abuser will seek out these lawyers, perhaps getting the name of one from a police officer or someone else in the system who just happens to be overheard talking or from another inmate in the lock up.

So now, the abuser has assembled his "dream team". The police, the dirty tricks lawyer and the complacent judge. What more could he ask for than to have swayed the system and set the victim up for further abuse? The abuser will get a slap on the wrist, be sent to Anger Management and, in some jurisdictions, have his record of abuse sealed. In Anger Management, the prep will learn new and better ways of abusing. He will learn to abuse without leaving the outward marks that would land him back in jail. He will hone his skills, through the knowledge passed on by other perpetrators attending these sessions. The things that worked for them will be shared in group in the form of "I reacted to the situation by...." You fill in the blank, as each and every one of you know the tactics, know how the pain can be caused both mentally and physically to a victim without leaving the marks or a trail of abuse.

The first thing the abuser will do after being released from jail is to widen his circle of allies. His dirty tricks lawyer has instructed him to get out in front of his victim, and being the superior liar that he is, he is only too willing to accommodate. Generally, abusers are loners, having few friends and having disassociated themselves from family. He has allowed only minimal if any contact between his victim and her family. He will suddenly become the "social butterfly" contacting people to enlist their help, always with the story of having been the victim in the situation. Neighbors that were shunned by him in the past are now become his confidants. Whispers of abuse by the victim are passed from one person to another. This serves two purposes. It provides a support system for the abuser as well as removing any hope of support for the victim.

The next step to the tried and true method of using the system to abuse is to make the victim seem insane to the system. The abuser or one of his allies will begin the relentless process of attacks that are designed to discredit. Break-ins of the home of the victim are a common means as are well placed phone calls where the abuser uses threats, such as the victim never seeing her children again. An abuser will actually enlist the help of the unwitting child, promising rewards of gifts or, if teenagers, no boundaries to live by. The abuser will reward the child for such things as removing evidence against the abuser from the victims home, lying to police or being complacent about what was witnessed in an incident. Often, no system of reward is needed. It is fear of the abuser, that places the child in the unenviable situation of having to lie. The child senses what will cause the wrath of the abuser to rise against them. If you come away from this presentation with anything, this is the one piece of information I hope you retain. The cycle of abuse is learned and continued by this one tactic alone, using the children as tools of abuse. Any person within the system who even suggests that the abuser use this tactic is guilty of nothing less than murder. (Scan the audience to see who is squirming or looks disinterested and focus your eyes on them for a split second. They are a guilty party.)

Police, having been repeatedly told that the victim is insane, will respond to such things as break-ins as a sign that the abuser is correct in his assessment of the victim. All too often, the abuser will leave something that informs the victim he was there, but at the point in time that the police are called, the victim will not know what is missing, if anything. Sometimes the victim will find veiled death threats, a picture that only the victim and her abuser knows the meaning of, a cartoon left on the computer screen, that is meant to frighten and intimidate. A tire will be slashed when her car is hidden from public view, mementos that have little or no monetary value will be missing. Reporting these incidents to the police enforce the abuser's position. And, when the victim turns to her lawyer for help, if she has one, she is told to ignore all violations of her home and person. You see, it takes two lawyers to execute a well choreographed legal Tango, and by this time, the repeated calls to the police by the victim, the well placed lies by the perpetrator, and, with the assistance of the complacent judge, her lawyer has been won over to not assist in any meaningful manner. Thus the victim is turned into the abuser and seen only as a source of possible revenue for her own lawyer who will offer little if any assistance in seeing that justice is blind, not blinded by gold. ( Pick out a person you have predetermined to be guilty and look directly at them)

During the actual litigation process, there will be a number of players that will be easily swayed by the events that have lead up to this process. GALs and CLRs are swayed by having contact with the abuser and his ever growing stable of allies, lawyers, police and judges. If the children are afraid of the abuser, they dare not say anything to these people that would endanger themselves. Social workers, mental health professionals, even medical doctors who rely on the system for income will not oppose the well built facade of the abuser and his well scripted theater of abuse.

At this point, I would like to see a show of hands. How many of you are judges? Please raise your hands. Keep your hands raised, please. How many are police officers? Keep your hands raised, please. How many of you are lawyers who represent abuse victims exclusively? Good, now if you could all stand up and look around. Do you recognize people from your own court systems in this room? Isn't it nice to know that some of the people who are not standing could, and I emphasis the word could, be manipulating you? (Pause for about 10 seconds) Thank you, you may all be seated.

How do the dirty tricks lawyers actually manipulate? First, talk is cheap, and the dirty tricks lawyer and his client never seem to run out of voice. They will take every chance to influence the judge and the opposition lawyer if there is one, the GAL and CLR, the therapist and mental health evaluator , the social worker, shelter workers and people in the Court Clerk's office. Ex parte is common and rampant in any court system. It can't be stopped unless you, the judges, choose to stop it. A few well placed words prior to the opening of court, the happened, but planned, introduction of the abuser to you prior to proceedings so that you can see how likeable this person is and to get his side, again getting out ahead of the opposition in the litigation. Tools used to put a human face on an inhuman act of violence.

During the early stages of the litigation, the dirty tricks lawyer and an abuser will go for the "all or nothing" approach to a custody question. The abuser, and his lawyer, being confident in the groundwork they have already laid, will not present a parenting plan. They will often seek to move out of the jurisdiction, often so far away from the abused, as to effectively terminate all parental rights. The abused, on the other hand will present a generous plan which will include more time with the abuser than a court would normally mandate. The judge, being the Solomon of the court, knows he cannot split a child down the middle, will have to award temporary custody to one parent or another, and this is usually to the person who already has "possession" of the child at the time of the hearing. (make the hand sign for quotes when you say the word possession). If the victim was forced to flee without the child, or if the child happens to be visiting the abuser at the time of the hearing, guess who gets the temporary custody? Yup, the abuser.

This is the beginning of the motions process. The abuser's lawyer will file motions with the court, often filing them back to back, and always asking for contempt sanctions against the victim. If the victim is unrepresented, this confuses and terrorizes her. If she is one of the fortunate ones, one of the women who was able to afford a lawyer, and motions and subpoenas are filed on her behalf, they are ignored by the dirty tricks lawyer. In the meantime, if she is Pro Se, her filings are ignored by the clerk's office or disappear all together. It never ceases to amaze me how often victims report missing filings, even whole files of proceedings that have gone missing. I can only surmise how it could happen, all of which violate state law. When she asks for a subpoena which must go through the courts for approval, the subpoena that is received for service contains errors made by the person who entered it into the system, precluding the effectiveness of that subpoena. These errors would only be obvious to a trained lawyer, thereby giving the dirty tricks lawyer a reason to quash.

The motions process will offer more ample opportunities for the dirty tricks lawyer to ply his trade. He will mail important filings to the wrong address, often transposing the actual numbers, to prevent receipt in time for rebuttal. He will refuse to accept mail from the Pro Se and then claim that it was not sent to him. He will state a date and time verbally, but put another date and time in writing, often bolding it to attract attention to the erroneous information. He will send a copy of a minor issue in a motion, with proof of mailing, and have a second copy hand served. The problem with this is that he has actually filed two separate motions with the court, one of paramount importance and the one of minor importance. He will then have proof of two separate deliveries to the victim and state that the one hand served was in reference to the major issue while the one mailed was in reference to the minor issue. Of course, he will blame all of this on the victim. She gave me the wrong address, I never got it, she was served and I have the proof.

Depositions are an extremely useful tool for the trickster. Though most states follow the rules of the Federal Courts for deposition, tricksters do not. As all lawyers know, the only time depositions should be used is when information cannot be gotten by subpoena. The dirty tricks lawyer will force deposition to make the victim face her abuser in an environment controlled by the trickster. One deposition trick will be to inform the pro se that a date and time for a deposition of his client has been set. He will send a list of questions to be asked, and state that the deposition will be limited to these questions. This offers the opportunity to pound the Pro Se with intimidation and terrorist tactics of threats. It also forces the Pro Se into setting up a second deposition of her own. Not knowing that it is not required to submit questions in advance, the Pro Se will dutifully submit the entire list of questions to the trickster, giving him time to concoct answers that would favor him. And lest the abuser make a mistake, there is nothing to worry about. The Court Reporter in attendance is one favored by the lawyer. One only need to Google the search term "Changed Transcripts" to confirm this is a common practice. The number of hits are well in excess of 7,000,000.

Proffers are useful when it comes to the dirty tricks lawyer. It is not uncommon for them to submit Proffers to the Pro Se that are never filed with the courts. These are filled with the lies that the abuser intends on in court and are designed to see which arguments are going to be used to counteract the lies in court.

Surprise witnesses are the life blood of the trickster. No subpoena has been issued to these people to appear, but they just happen to be in the area when the court date came up. Judges have a duty to curtail the use of these convenient witnesses, but seldom do, preferring to overrule objections. Often, they are nothing more than hired guns for the defense, parroting whatever the trickster wants them to say. There is often no rebuttal for their testimony, as the Pro Se or her lawyer had no time to prepare for their appearance.

Witness tampering is blatantly illegal but used by the dirty trick lawyer and his client at every turn. All that is needed is for the potential witness to be mislead with a story of the victim being the true abuser, and after all, if they testify, they would be putting the children, and perhaps themselves, in danger. Surely, anyone in their right mind would not want to testify under these circumstances, given that few people are willing to testify in the first place. If that doesn't work, there is intimidation of the witness. Most people have something in their backgrounds they would prefer no one find out. The dirty tricks lawyer is a master at using innuendo and sources like police, family and acquaintances to find that one skeleton. If that doesn't work, there is always the avenue of the witness's employer. Innuendo can be placed in letters to the employer from the lawyer stating that this or that has never been cleared.

In his bag, the dirty trick lawyer and his client rely on the assistance of Child Protective Services. If a direct call from his client does not produce the desired response, there is always the "innocent and disconnected" third party report. These reports can vary from the upper end of sexual abuse or exploitation of the child to reports that the mother is furnishing drugs to the child to such things as a child being left alone. In one case I know of, the GAL was talked into calling CPS when a teenage boy overdosed. What the GAL forgot to report was that the 15 year old had arrived from his father's home with a plastic bag full of pills, and when the mother discovered them, he grabbed them and downed them in an attempt to get rid of the evidence. The same mother was accused of leaving the than 16 year old alone for two hours by the same GAL. Again the GAL left out a very important fact. The child was at the home of a friend.

Court orders are often altered to reflect what the attorney and abuser wants. One mother, while living here in Colorado heard a knock on her door one day. The father, who had never once exercised his visitation, had moved five years previously to Washington state. He went to the local Colorado police with an altered court order for full custody of the son, than 7 years old. No one questioned the validity of the order, in fact, the police were only too willing to help him in removing the child from the mother. She never saw her son again. She was able to locate him last year in a suburb of Seattle, but now 20, he has had it drilled into his head that she wanted nothing to do with him and had willing given him up.

If all else fails, there is always the use of Parental Alienation to fall back on. Dr. Richard Gardner, using no identifiable research and much to the consternation of all recognized authorities, first placed this Syndrome in the minds of the courts to discredit mothers and to help men save on alimony and child support payments. We are all familiar with the theory that states that the mother is toxic to the relationship between the father and his children and that the only true cure for this toxicity is to severely limit visitation or to remove it all together. Abusers and their attorneys love to use PAS. It is one of the most effective forms of abuse of the victim.

Through all the court abuse, and I have only touched on some of the verifiable things that women suffer in the courtroom, there is a continued onslaught from the abuser. Stalking, break-ins, destruction of property and threats of further harm to the victim are normal. Checks for alimony or child support that are never received are also widely reported. Harassment is an ongoing problem to the victim. Planting seeds of doubt of a mother's love for her child in the child's mind, any avenue an abuser can think of will be used.

All of this for one objective, to carry on the abuse. And, the players in the courtroom are all aiders and abettors to that abuse, whether they realize it or not. The crimes we allow these people to get away with are crimes that are punishable by law, and by each and every one of you allowing them to be predicated on victims of violence, you are taking part in those crimes.

Now, as one last thing, I would like some of you to take part in a fun little exercise to reinforce some of what you have heard here today. I would ask that every judge in the audience stand up and glace around the room. I want you to pick out a person here that you do not know and walk over to them and without saying a word, I want you to grasp their hand and shake it. (Wait for them to do this)

Now, again without giving this person your name, I want you to whisper in their ear the year, color and make and model of the car your closest loved one drives. Now, I want you, without giving the city or town you live in, to tell them the street address of that person. Good. You have just given someone who may be a trickster lawyer or an abuser all the information they need. You have just put your loved one in danger, possibly signing that their death warrant. Think about it and try to have a nice day.

Nov 2009 DV Blog Carnival- How does DV effect children - anonymiss

2009-10-08T15:04:00.001-05:00

Copied from Anonymiss

Nov 2009 DV Blog Carnival- How does DV effect children

Posted October 8, 2009

The Domestic Violence Blog Carnival that we set up is now accepting article submissions for the edition that will be posted on November 2nd 2009.

This editions theme is The Effects of Domestic Violence on Children. To submit an article please visit the submission page: http://blogcarnival.com/bc/submit_8381.html. The November edition will be hosted here at Anonymiss.

To view last months edition please visit the UAADV News Blog Domestic Violence Blog Carnival October 2009

If you have a suggestion for an upcoming theme or would like to host the blog carnival for an upcoming month, please send an email to: contactanonymiss@gmail.com with your suggestoins.

Nov 2009 DV Blog Carnival- How does DV effect children - anonymiss

Real Men Don’t Campaign

2009-10-08T13:27:00.001-05:00

Real Men Don't

by: Gail Lakritz

Every October reminds us that domestic violence still exists With Domestic Violence Awareness Month in America. Statistics show that it may be more prevalent than reported. In the United Kingdom, only 56.8% of incidents are reported by women.¹ This suggests that the United Nations reporting of 28% of women whose lives are effected by violence in this country may actually be in the area of 50%.

In order to reduce that number, it is important to re-educate the public on the issue of violence against women in this country. So far, the task has been limited to a few women's organizations that have had little or no effect on the problem. Devoting money to educate women is an important act in preserving her life and the lives of her children, but it does not break the cycle. The cycle begins with the abuser, not the victim.

To this end, targeting the abuser by making the abuser aware that they are the real problem, I suggest that all victims join in a campaign to enlighten the public and lawmakers. I am suggesting that all victims begin by asking the national men's sports organizations to take up the mantle of an awareness campaign entitled "Real Men Don't".

Why the title "Real Men Don't"? Real men do not need to feel superior to women. They are secure in their lives and understand that violence is not needed to ensure their personal security.

Why sports organizations? Simple, most men watch sports. Abusers feed on the violence in sports. A "Real Men" campaign would target the very audience that needs to be reached to end the violence.

The following is an email that I sent this morning to the National Football League. If every victim in America, which I personally estimate to be between 3,000,000 to 6,000,000 women per year, were to send this or a similar email to the NFL alone, they would see the prudency in supporting such a campaign.

I was wondering why the NFL and other male oriented sports organizations do not help in the fight against violence predicted on women? So many of your players have been involved in these acts, why not go public and support women in ending the violence?

I thank you in advance for understanding that you are a major player who could have a real influence in the battle to end the violence. Perhaps a campaign entitled "Real Men Don't" and a devotion of commercial spots during your games would set you a cut above all the other sports organizations.

I can see such a campaign as, not only a source of education to the problem, but as the impetus for the application of peer pressure. With it, expanded campaigns could include "Real Policemen Don't", the education of the importance of writing accurate police reports and of arresting perpetrators of violence against women. "Real Lawyers Don't" for the education of lawyers and GALs in the area of Domestic Violence and not allowing plea deals. "Real Judges Don't", an education for judges on the mental conditions that these people have and the importance of not protecting them. "Real Lawmakers Don't", informing lawmakers of the importance of writing stricter laws on Domestic Violence.

Note from the author: I, Gail Lakritz, grant permission for this article to be reproduced in any form of media that furthers the idea of the "Real Men Don't" campaign.

American Humane: Email - Cat helps prove child abuser's guilt

2009-10-07T08:56:00.001-05:00

Original: http://site.americanhumane.org/site/MessageViewer?em_id=29362.0&dlv_id=22301

One Abuser, Two Victims

When 9-year-old Beth* was sexually abused by her stepfather, she told the prosecuting attorney that someone else knew about it -- but that he couldn’t talk. She was referring to her beloved cat, Oreo.

Beth explained that Oreo would bravely lie outside her door at night and hiss whenever her attacker appeared. In trying to protect her, the loyal black and white cat also became another victim of violence; Beth’s stepfather would always brutally kick Oreo away from the door.

Beth’s revelation gave the prosecutor an idea. She decided to have Oreo examined by a veterinarian. The results were chilling. Sure enough, poor Oreo had sustained injuries consistent with being physically abused.

When the prosecutor submitted the veterinarian’s report to the jury as evidence showing a pattern of violence in the home, Beth’s allegations gained credibility. In a way, Oreo was able to testify, convincing the jury that the traumatized little girl had been telling the truth.

Beth’s stepfather was convicted and received a long prison sentence. Meanwhile, Beth and Oreo were finally able to experience what every child and animal deserves: a safe home.

Help Empower Victims Like Beth and Oreo

The prosecutor in Beth’s case was Allie Phillips, who now works for American Humane as vice president of our Public Policy Office. She and our staff regularly conduct trainings for attorneys, judges, veterinarians, social workers, domestic-violence counselors and other social services providers on what American Humane calls The Link® between violence to people and violence to animals, increasing awareness of the powerful role it can play in unmasking and preventing abuse.

It’s a vital message -- one that Allie and our Link team are uniquely qualified to spread on behalf of abuse victims everywhere. But she can’t do it alone.

Please help Allie and our team continue to educate others about The Link and stop the cycle of violence affecting innocent people and animals alike. Donate today!

*This is a true story. However, the child’s name has been changed to protect her privacy.

American Humane: Email - Cat helps prove child abuser's guilt

A Plea From Protective Mothers

2009-10-06T10:04:00.000-05:00

Domestic Violence Blog Carnival October 2009

2009-10-01T18:42:00.001-05:00

Welcome to the October 2009 edition of Domestic Violence Blog Carnival. This months edition covers Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Each of the articles below cover DVAM in a general sense while adding a personal touch with either history of the month or ideas for what you can do during the month to support awareness and prevention.

From this months blog carnival bloggers:

Take Time to Observe Domestic Violence Awareness Month written by Retha Fielding and posted at the National Domestic Violence Hotline.

She Will Be Loved...written by Lorraine Tipton and posted at Mama Liberty’s Weblog

Where is Your Purple Gonna Be? written by Mary Morgan and posted at Tailored Life Coaching.

Domestic Violence Awareness Month is October written by and posted at Chaos Theory

The War On Women written by Gail Lakritz and posted at RightsForMothers

Domestic Violence or Just an Argument? written by Ashley Waller and posted at Obstreperous Expressions

From the blog carnival Organizer: October is DVAM submitted by Anonymiss

From this months blog carnival Host: The Allstate Foundation and Tell a Gal P.A.L submitted by UAADV News Blog

To find out more information about the Domestic Violence Blog Carnival, submit articles for upcoming editions, or find and read editions please go to the Domestic Violence Blog Carnival Page or email contactanonymiss@gmail.com the originator of this carnival.

Thank you to all the bloggers and readers that have supported us in hosting the October 2009 Domestic Violence Blog Carnival!

Call for artistic VOICES

2009-09-30T06:31:00.000-05:00

We were asked to post the below in an effort to spread the word about this. Please read and pass it on to all you think would be interested! If you would like to participate in this please use the contact information contained in the website given below.

My name is Michelle Major.

I am a mother, a teacher, an artist.

I am also a survivor of domestic violence.

In August 2008, my husband tried to murder me in an act of domestic violence. Before beating me and strangling me to unconsciousness, he took a butcher knife and slashed ninety-four of my paintings. Through my artwork, I have moved from victim to survivor and I have turned my second chance at life into advocating for victims of domestic violence. I am spreading my story by sharing my butchered artwork through gallery showings and speaking engagements. I have turned this passion for shining a light onto the ugliness of domestic violence into an organization called BAVA: Be A Voice Arts to provide healing through artistic expression.

For Domestic Violence Awareness Month, BAVA is hosting an "Artist Trading Card" challenge. An ATC is a small card, about the size of a playing card on which people write , draw, paint, collage, use photographs and more. ATC's are a worldwide art form where people often have 'groups' , create 'themes', and then create miniature works of art to trade and collect. They are almost like modern day baseball cards to some folks! I have complete details on my website: http://www.beavoicearts.com/i-have-a-voice-atc-challenge (***There is a 5.00 participation fee that will be waived if someone participates through a group home, therapy session, or some other type of organization designed to promote their healing). BAVA wants their voice, not their money!!

The theme is "I HAVE A VOICE!".

My creative vision for these ATC's is this:

I want to create a work of art where the cards hang on my wedding dress as an interactive gallery piece. The reason I am creating this wedding VOICE piece comes as an outcropping of a painting I did called "Til Death". 'Til Death' is a painting of me as a bride, tortured and hopeless, with 'X's" over the mouth to symbolize the secret and shame and inability to speak up during a relationship of abuse. After viewing that portrait, one would think that my wedding dress would be a symbol of the loss of hopes and dreams for a marriage and a future, yet in actuality, the dress will be transformed to symbolize the literal artistic VOICES that have come together as one to "Speak Up Against Domestic Violence". I want to hang all the submitted cards from the dress skirt and viewers can come up, turn the cards over in their hands, move around the piece and experience the "Voices!" I am hoping to generate enough response to fill up the skirt. I think it will be a very powerful piece and full of hope!

Help me fill the dress with YOUR artistic voice. You may save a life!

Michelle

call for artistic VOICES.docx

The Allstate Foundation and Tell a Gal P.A.L

2009-09-29T15:46:00.002-05:00

The Allstate Foundation is once again running Tell a Gal P.A.L and ClickToEmpower.org The Allstate Foundation supports survivors through resources targeted to build financial independence and educates the public on how hard it is for people to leave an abusive relationship without economic resources.
SHARE YOUR STORY
Readers can share stories of overcoming domestic violence or helping a “gal pal” in need at ClickToEmpower.org. Readers who submit stories can enter to receive a limited edition Tell a Gal P.A.L. t-shirt as worn by Mira Sorvino on the Web site. Share Your Story

DONATE A SUIT (Sep. 28-Oct. 9)
Domestic violence survivors often find themselves with limited means to get back into the workforce and attain financial security. The Allstate Foundation is encouraging Americans to drop off nearly new women’s business suits to benefit survivors from September 28 to October 9 at select Allstate locations across the country. Donated suits will be given to local domestic violence organizations and Dress for Success affiliates to outfit domestic violence survivors with confidence as they enter or re-enter the workforce. Donation Site Search

Domestic Violence Awareness Month Blog Carnival

2009-09-27T15:38:00.000-05:00

Hi All, we have been honored by Anonymiss to kick off their new domestic violence blog carnival by hosting the first edition of the carnival.

The first edition will be posted here on October 1st, 2009. This edition will cover everything relating to Domestic Violence Awareness Month (DVAM). So, to kick of your DVAM activities, please make sure to come back and read the carnival on the 1st!

If you have an article about DVAM general information or activities that you would like to submit we are accepting submissions until the 30th of September 2009. You can get more guidance or submit your article HERE, or you can email a permalink to your article with a brief description to UAADV.National@gmail.com

If you are wondering what a blog carnival is, you can go HERE, and read about it. If you would like more specifics about the Domestic Violence Blog Carnival go HERE. If you would like to submit an article visit the carnival main link and then click submit an article in the upper right corner. If you are having difficulties you can contact the carnival organizer by either using the links provided or directly at contactanonymiss@gmail.com

Please share this post with anyone that you know that would either have an article for submission or those that may benefit from reading the DVAM edition post on the 1st.

DV Survivor Speaks out

2009-09-23T19:31:00.002-05:00

All women and teen girls need to watch this short news clip! Please pass on to any female you know. With Domestic Violence Awareness Month right around the corner this is the perfect time to share this story with all that you know.
A North Idaho woman, Rose Turner, nearly killed in a shootout with her estranged husband, Rick Turner, is now speaking out to about her personal experience with domestic violence as a warning to others.

The New Agenda ACTION ALERT: SENATOR SLASHER!

2009-09-16T12:03:00.001-05:00

Please visit the below Action Alert on the New Agenda Blog to leave your comments. Link is below the address for the judge!

ACTION ALERT: SENATOR SLASHER!

September 16, 2009
by The New Agenda closeAuthor: The New Agenda Name: agenda
Email: editor@thenewagenda.net
Site: http://thenewagenda.net
About: See Authors Posts (225)

16 September 2009 One Comment

The following ACTION ALERT has been sent this morning from The New Agenda. If you would like to sign up to receive email alerts (including action alerts, media alerts and member alerts) please sign up here.
Dear Friends:

Let’s Join NOW NY and Take Action!
Next Monday, NY State Senator Hiram Monserrate stands trial for slashing his girlfriend’s face — an attack captured by video cameras in the apartment lobby. Sen Monserrate continues to serve in public office despite being indicted on six counts of assault!

Read more about this horrific case in Amy’s Daily Beast article Did This Senator Beat Up His Girlfriend?.

Now it’s time for action!

Write or call the judge and let him know how important it is that perpetrators of violence against women be punished:

Hon. William M. Erlbaum
Supreme Court, Queens County
125 01 Queens Blvd.
Kew Gardens, NY 11415
(718) 298-1401
( And let us know that you did by leaving a comment! )

We’re A Voice for All Women:
Nancy and Jennifer spoke out on a harmful op-ed written about AG Martha Coakley; while Amy spoke out in The Daily Beast about the importance of electing a qualified woman to Massachusetts’ senate seat.

Cynthia spoke out about feminism vs. racism and that neither political party is the party of women.

Anna Belle was honored in Today’s Women.

Amy called for UNITY and a ceasefire in the mommy wars at MORE — the keys to gender equality are right in our own hands.

How Can YOU Help?
Become a charter member, and if you have spare time, please volunteer!

Your Friends At
The New Agenda

The New Agenda » Blog Archive » ACTION ALERT: SENATOR SLASHER!

Where is your purple gonna be?

2009-09-16T07:07:00.000-05:00

I usually dye my hair purple for Domestic Violence Awareness Month (DVAM) which is October, and I choose purple because that is the awareness color of Domestic Violence (DV). People always stop me in public and ask me why my hair is purple; cause I do NOT look the type you’d think would normally have purple hair. When they ask, I get the chance to tell them!! Others aren’t so pushy with it and just hang purple lights around their house or purple ribbons on their cars.

Each year around this time I try to write up something about DVAM being just around the corner. I like to make people aware of this month to encourage them to get involved in activities in their local areas. Now is the time to start looking into what activities the DV agencies are hosting during the month of October, so that you can plan and won’t miss the event you want to attend or help with.

I feel that as a society we should be ‘aware’ of domestic violence year round. However, I also realize that by setting aside a certain month to view a certain issue gives us time to focus on and process the information we receive during that specific month. I encourage everyone to become involved in community programs through out the year, which are focused on preventing DV.

If you are not already involved in your local community or surrounding area with helping in the areas of DV Awareness and/or prevention, or helping the victims of DV then the following may be some ways in which you can get involved. This is a general list to give you ideas. If you would like more specific options on how you can help, please contact your local DV Shelter or State Domestic Violence Coalition.

Here is the post that I posted last year and I feel it still works, so I’m giving it to ya again!

So... I get asked: "Great, you tell me to help DV victims during awareness month, but how am I supposed to do that when I have never even met a DV victim?"

There are many people that would be more than willing to do something during Domestic Violence Awareness Month, however they just aren't sure what to do, or where or when or how...

This list is copied from this ARTICLE.

In your place of worship
1. Encourage information about domestic abuse in the congregation's programs, youth groups, marriage preparation, study groups, etc.
2. Establish a committee to promote awareness of the problem and how the congregation can help.
3. Organize a drive to collect food, toiletries, household goods and other needed items for a local domestic violence service.

In your workplace
4. Display posters or brochures (in break rooms, restrooms, or meeting rooms) to promote awareness of domestic abuse and how to get help.
5. Organize a Brown Bag lunch or other event for co-workers and invite a speaker to talk about solutions to the problem.
6. Ask what policies your employer has developed to keep employees safe from a domestic abuser who threatens the workplace.

In schools and daycare
7. Encourage the editor of the school newspaper to have a special issue about teen dating violence and partner abuse.
8. Write a paper about domestic violence to share with students.
9. Educate teachers and other staff about the connection between child abuse and partner abuse.

In civic organizations, clubs or neighborhoods
10. Invite a speaker to educate organization members about domestic violence.
11. Organize a fundraising event or food/toiletries drive to benefit a domestic violence service agency.
12. Publish information about domestic violence and available resources in the newsletter.
13. "Adopt" a family seeking independence from an abuser, to assist with practical needs.

As a Citizen
14. Ask your local library to stock books on domestic violence and to set up displays to educate the public about the issue.
15. Speak out against domestic abuse: Expressing your view that domestic violence is unacceptable has a powerful effect on changing the norms that support abuse.
16. Write letters to newspaper editors or send commentaries to TV and radio to help raise awareness about domestic violence.
17. Vote for public leaders who take a strong stand against domestic abuse.
18. Call 911 if you see or hear a crime of domestic abuse in progress. Write down license plate numbers, locations, and any other information that may be helpful to law enforcement.
19. Volunteer with a domestic violence service. Organizations need help with office activities, fund raising events, technical and professional services and assistance to clients.
20. Donate used clothing and household goods to a program that gives these vital items to families seeking independence from an abuser.
21. Participate in neighborhood crime watch programs.

Hang information flyers and/or awareness flyers in public restrooms, or anywhere else you think would they would be noticed. Now keep in mind that you don't have to stop doing some of this stuff after October! By all means...continue your efforts throughout the year.

The more the merrier!

So in stating this, I implore all of you out there to stand up and do something for domestic violence victims not only in October, but throughout the year. Turn these victims into proud SURVIVORS!!! Give them some hope and some help. To borrow a phrase used quite often, give them a hand-up not a hand-out.

All of these are really general and will take some research, time and effort on your part. But, the way I look at it is this...the time I take to do even one of these activities just may save someone's life.....so are a few minutes of your life worth the life of another?

Domestic violence victims have a "pre-existing condition"

2009-09-12T10:37:00.002-05:00

5:03 PM Eastern - September 11, 2009 By Maria Tchijov
Insurance companies have used the excuse of "pre-existing conditions" to deny coverage to countless Americans. From cancer patients to the elderly suffering from arthritis, these organizations have padded their profit margins by limiting coverage to patients deemed "high risk" because of their medical condition.
But, in DC and nine other states, including Arkansas, Idaho, Mississippi, North Carolina, North Dakota, Oklahoma, South Carolina, South Dakota, and Wyoming, insurance companies have gone too far, claiming that "domestic violence victim" is also a pre-existing condition.
Words cannot describe the sheer inhumanity of this claim. It serves as yet further proof that our insurance system is broken, destroyed by the profit-mongering of the very companies who's sole purpose should be to provide Americans with access to care when they need it most. In 1994, an informal survey conducted by the Subcommittee on Crime and Criminal Justice of the United States Senate Judiciary Committee revealed that 8 of the 16 largest insurers in the country used domestic violence as a factor when decided whether to extend coverage and how much to charge if coverage was extended.
It is clear that insurance companies refuse to police themselves. It's up to us to call on Congress to take action now to pass health care reform and end discrimination against patients with pre-existing conditions.

SEIU - Service Employees International Union - Domestic violence victims have a "pre-existing condition"?

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

2009-09-01T07:56:00.002-05:00

Things are changing around here at the UAADV News Blog! We are un-cluttering the sidebars, adding some features, and moving the main website over to integrate the two.
First let’s talk about the Friend Connect Social bar that you now see at the bottom of the window. This replaces the Followers module, where here it does! You can still Follow Us or Sign in over on the left of this bar.

Want to be friends with someone here? Then look to the far right of the Social Bar and click ‘members’; followers are now members. You can click each thumbnail to view that member and which blogs they follow, and add them as a friend.

Want to leave a comment about the entire site? Or ask a question in general? You can now do so with the Social bar. Find the ‘comments’ just to the left of the ‘members’; click there and leave your comment. It will show in the timeline for the entire blog (largest section of the Social bar). You can of course still comment on each blog post just like always!

As for moving the main UAADV website over and integrating it, this will take us some time. Please be patient with us as we get this done. Once this is done you will be able to use the tabs across the top of the blog to access the many informational articles that were on the main website.
You probably already noticed that there is a new tab at the top “UAADV Network”. This tab will take you off the blog and into the UAADV Network that is set up on the Ning platform. This is a social network within Ning much like other social networks. There you can have your own profile, enter discussions in a forum area, join groups, have chats and many other things.
As always, if you have questions regarding how to access or use any of these features please don’t hesitate to ask! UAADV is for YOU, so let us know how YOU want to use it!
UAADV is for victims, survivors and advocates alike!

Violence UnSilenced

2009-08-18T07:18:00.003-05:00

Do you feel like you are the only one in your situation?

Do you want to share your story (even anonymously)?

Are you a blogger that that writes/read domestic violence pieces?

If any of these apply to you then you should check out: Violence UnSilenced where you can read stories of survivors, share your own story, or take the pledge!

Violence, Abuse and Trauma Conference

2009-08-17T13:43:00.001-05:00

The below is copied from: http://www.ivatcenters.org/Conferences.htm if the links to the info below aren’t working here please visit their website to obtain the information you are looking for!

14th International Conference on Violence, Abuse and Trauma

September 21- 26, 2009
Town and Country Resort & Convention Center
San Diego, CA

CONFERENCE VENUE
Town and Country Resort & Convention Center
500 Hotel Circle North
San Diego, CA 92108
T: 619-291-7131 F: 619-291-3584

CLICK HERE TO REGISTER

QUESTIONS
IVAT Conferences
Institute on Violence, Abuse, and Trauma
10065 Old Grove Road San Diego, CA 92131
858-527-1860 ext. 4030 or ivatconf@alliant.edu

Save The Dates Flyer
Conference Program Booklet
Registration Information
Call for Submissions
Call for Posters Online Submission
Schedule at a Glance
Accommondation Information
Volunteer Opportunities
Sponsorship Opportunities
Collaborator Agreement
Exhibitor/Advertisement Application Volunteer Packet

http://www.ivatcenters.org/Conferences.htm

Preventing Abuse Conference

2009-08-17T13:08:00.001-05:00

The 7^th Preventing Abuse conference, Helping Protect Women, Children, Families and the Nation from Human Trafficking, Child Abduction, Pornography and Internet Predators, will be held September 11–13, 2009 at the Irvine Hilton in CA. www.preventingabuse.org (866) 454-1776. Noreen Gosch will be a speaker.

For more information about this conference please go here: http://www.preventingabuse.org/about.html

Conference Overview

1. Geographic Focus

2. Impact on America

3. Examples of Areas Affected by Human Trafficking/Abduction of Women and Children.

Health care costs
Society and social values
Economic costs and impact on
Legal--resource drain, etc.
Social services and more
Victim, and Victim's Family
National Security

4. The Demand:

Areas to be addressed relating to the demand:

Demographics of the customers and the perpetrators
What is the fuel of the kidnap and trafficking problem?
What role does the popular culture have?
How the entertainment industry can assist?
What role does pornography (hard-core and "soft-core") play?
The role terrorism.
The impact of the Internet.

5. Legislative

6. Law Enforcement

7. Child Abduction Prevention:

8. Rescue and Recovery

9. The Reality of the Problem: The Responsibility to Act.

SCARED TO LEAVE AFRAID TO STAY

2009-08-17T12:25:00.001-05:00

BARRY GOLDSTEIN, attorney, teacher, author and advocate for women abused by their partner (and too often the courts) has written a book for women seeking to leave their abusers and for their friends, family, supporters and advocates. SCARED TO LEAVE AFRAID TO STAY Paths From Family Violence to Safety tells the story of ten women as they left their abusers seeking a better life. The book shows in these abuse cases how courts handle legal issues such as orders of protection, custody, visitation, support, marital property and criminal prosecutions. It tells about the resources available for women seeking to leave their abuser. Click the links to learn more about the book, author or to view frequently asked questions (FAQs). The book is published by Robert D. Reed Publishers and is available at book stores online and off.

Website with more info: BARRY GOLDSTEIN, J.D. Author of SCARED TO LEAVE AFRAID TO STAY

Poems by an abuse victim

2009-08-17T00:31:00.002-05:00

A client of the Mid Central Community Action, Inc., Countering Domestic Violence program wrote three poems at three different times about her experiences. She included this message:
"I had always thought that I ws the type of person that would never enter into an abusive relationship. However, when I finally met someone who seemed to be the 'man of my dreams', I threw all caution aside and committed myself fully to this man.
Things seemed perfect for a while, but after several months he began to show little regard for my feelings. Initially, his emotional abuse was so subtle that I didn't even recognize what he was doing to me. However, whey my self-esteem reached an all time low, I recognized that it was time to get out.
That is when his abuse became physical. In addition to the physical blows, he began to terrorize me to the point that I truly believed that he was going to kill me. I finally decided to reach out for help.
My advocate at the Countering Domestic Violence was invaluable in helping me to understand that I needed an Order of Protection. However, little did I realize that getting out of the relationship was just the beginning of my journey.
Over the next few months, I became increasingly depressed. Even though I was utilizing the counseling services provided by the CDV and reading every book I could on domestic violence, I felt as if I would never heal from the emotional damage he had caused.
This is when I wrote the victim poem. When I read it to my advocate with Victim Services, she reminded me that I was more than a victim, that I was also a survivor. It was her words to me that inspired the second poem a couple of weeks later.
Thus began a turning point where I began to leave him behind and to work on getting myself better. The final poem was just recently written while I was preparing my story for this article and I realized that the two poems didn't tell the complete story. After many months of work, I finally feel that I have become well again. I believe that writing these poems has really helped me to assess and process the many emotions and issues I have had to deal with. I am certain that expressing this artistically is one of the catalysts that accelerated my healing.
Yet, none of this was done alone. Not only did I receive the support one would expect from friends and family, but it has been the kindness and generosity of those people who work with domestic violence victims within our community that has given me strength to see this through abnd renewed my faith that there are many loving, deecent people in this world."
Poem 1: 'What It Means To Be A Victim
I am the beast
Which you have lain upon the alter
An offering to an angry God
I am the one
Chosen for purity's sake
Whose throat will be slit
As my blood spills out
Ask yourself
Have you come closer to God?
Is God now happy?
As my blood runs down the street
Ask yourself
Can we now find peace?
Or must we come back to this alter?
Again and again
I am the one
That sacrificial beast
Poem 2: 'What It means To be A Survivor'
I have outlived
I have outlasted
I have remained alive
I am still here
As the waters recede
As the flames diminish
As the tremors subside
I am still here
Above the fray
Above all else
To rise like a phoenix
Above and beyond
Beyond belief
Beyond understanding
Beyond a reasonable doubt
Beyond your reach
I am still here
I have outlived
I have outlasted
I have remained alive
Poem 3: 'What It Means To Heal'
Hello
I'm back
Again
From that secret place
Curled up
Afraid
No terrified
Hidden in the dark
Watching
Waiting
Wondering
Will I ever be safe?
Shhhhh!
Don't breathe
Not a sound
Don't let him hear you
Just the pounding of my heart
Beat by beat
Pumping
Life
Slowly
The rhythm
Brings forth a song
Music
Oh, I want to dance
To sing
To move
These numb limbs of mine
I stir
I stretch
Release
Breathe
Tingling
I begin to move
To sway
To lift up my voice
What beauty
Is that really me?
Singing
Laughing
Unabashed
Uninhibited
Unafraid
So unlike before
So I dance
I sing
I love
Back again
08/06/09
Dedicated to Betsy

Original: Poems by local abuse victim

Battered Woman Syndrome Key Elements

2009-07-13T17:09:00.001-05:00

From Psychiatric Times:

July 7, 2009
Psychiatric Times. Vol. 26 No. 7

TRAUMA AND VIOLENCE

Battered Woman Syndrome Key Elements of a Diagnosis and Treatment Plan Lenore E. Walker, EdD, ABPP-CL & Fam

Women who are victims of intimate-partner violence have been identified by the mental health field for more than 30 years now.^1-3 It is understood that domestic violence is part of gender violence, and that many more women than men are the victims of physical, sexual, and psychological abuse.^4-6 Even when women strike back or engage in mutual violence, it is usually the woman who is most likely to be hurt—both physically and emotionally. Women who strike back in self-defense are often arrested along with the batterer.

It is further understood that gender violence is fostered by the socialization of men to be more powerful than women. In some men, this process creates the need to abuse power and to control women.⁵While the term “victim” is not always considered politically correct, in fact, until battered women take back some control over their lives, they may not truly be considered survivors.⁷ Psychological symptoms, called battered woman syndrome (BWS), develop in some women and make it difficult for them to regain control. Mental health professionals have been able to assist these battered women with empowerment techniques and with accurate diagnosis and proper treatment, as described here.

BATTERED WOMAN SYNDROME

BWS has been identified as a subcategory of posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD).8 Although not all battered women meet all the DSM-IV-TR criteria for PTSD,⁹ a sufficient number do; thus, a form of trauma treatment is most helpful.¹⁰

Table 1 lists 6 groups of criteria that recently have been found to be part of BWS.⁸

DIAGNOSIS

A number of steps will help you obtain accurate information when you are interviewing a woman whom you believe may be abused by her intimate partner (Table 2).

Safety

Begin by speaking with the woman without her partner present (if they are still together) and together form a safety plan. This can be difficult because batterers often want to be present during the entire examination so they can directly or even subtly remind the woman not to disclose their secret. It is not uncommon to feel as if the man were in the interview—even if he is waiting outside.

For a woman in a battering relationship, the most dangerous time is when she and her partner are discussing or thinking about separation.^11,12 Even if the woman is no longer living with the batterer, she may not be safe. It is important to help her feel safer by making it clear that you will not take advantage of her. The clinician can set up boundaries between himself or herself and the woman by asking her permission to touch her, to write notes, and to discuss areas of confidentiality and privilege. Individual or group therapy rather than couples therapy is recommended, at least initially.

Validation

A battered woman needs to feel validated when she describes the abuse. This can be done by emphasizing the positive things she did to protect herself and her children if they were involved. Tell her that no matter what she may have done or said, no one deserves to be abused. Be careful not to ask or even intimate that she might have done something to provoke the batterer. Such questions will not create the rapport that facilitates empowerment—nor do they create a safe space for the woman.

Most battered women have been told of their faults over and over by the batterer. They also have experienced his jealousy, overpossessiveness, and attempts to isolate them from significant friends or family. They may need education about the impact of abuse on their physical as well as mental health.¹³

Therapy should emphasize the woman’s strengths so that she trusts herself and others again. Naming her a battered woman with BWS may help her accept that she is not “crazy” (as the batterer predicted her doctor would find).

Risk and assessment

It is important to do a risk assessment while also completing a mental status examination. Some battered women have other disorders in addition to PTSD and BWS.^7,8,13

To assess the risk of further abuse, ask the woman to describe the first abusive incident that she can remember, the worst or one of the worst episodes, the last abuse before she came to see you, and typical incidents. Such questioning usually elicits sufficient information to determine the level of lethality and risk that she faces. The patterns of violence depicted in the Figure can also be used to help you assess the level of danger.

TREATMENT
A plan

Negotiate a treatment plan with the woman. The Survivor Therapy Empowerment Program (STEP) has been used effectively with individual women as well as with groups (Table 3).⁸

It is important to assess the woman’s resilience in addition to the degree to which she reexperiences the abuse, her hypervigilance and arousal level, and her avoidance behaviors.¹⁴

Although gathering information about the woman’s childhood history is useful, it is probably not the first area to explore. While almost half of the women in our research sample of more than 400 battered women had experienced child abuse (usually sexual abuse by a father or stepfather), many of these women were not ready to discuss these traumatic experiences initially and often were more likely to reveal them as treatment progressed.⁸

In an earlier research project conducted by this author, women were asked about factors that made it more difficult for them to leave the abusive relationship.⁸ Mental illness and previous trauma were not specified by the women interviewed, although learned helplessness and drug abuse were factors that stood out as deterrents to finding safety from violence.

Women who have experienced multiple traumas may have relatively little resilience to deal with current trauma. This is an important clue to the psychotherapist to move slowly in the treatment plan, regardless of whether earlier trauma is discussed. Medication may be discussed with the woman when appropriate, but it is important for her to contribute to any decision so that she feels more in control of her life.

Most battered women respond to cognitive rather than affective techniques initially—although both areas eventually need to be part of the treatment plan. As cognitive clarity is developed, attention, concentration, and memory will be enhanced. A battered woman may be so anxious during the initial interview that she cannot remember much of what has been said. It can be helpful to provide her with a card that lists resources, such as the local shelter for battered women. Repetition of the areas discussed may be important, especially until the woman has regained attention and concentration.

It often helps to recommend that the woman engage in more and different types of activities with other people. Such activities can help her overcome some of the isolation and the power and control that the batterer holds over her. She needs to understand that she may still be in danger, even if her partner has completed a treatment program.¹⁵

OPTIONS FOR THERAPY

Treatment of PTSD and BWS includes a combination of feminist and trauma therapy.^8,16 The feminist therapy contribution acknowledges that psychotherapy is a relationship in which the formal power resides with both the therapist and the client.¹⁶ Acknowledgment of the situational factors that can be beyond a woman’s control (eg, the lack of equality in society between men and women) helps her accept that she still can attempt to change those factors that she can control.

Legal action may contribute to a woman’s sense of empowerment—especially if she is able to use domestic violence statutes in criminal or civil court to obtain a restraining or protective order, to cause the batterer to be arrested, and to get him into a batterer’s intervention program. Filing for divorce is also a stressful legal action in family court. When the batterer has financial resources, suing him for a personal injury tort might also be an empowering action, although it is difficult to spend the time and attention often necessary to win such a case.

Trauma therapy helps a woman understand that she is not “crazy” and that she is not the only one dealing with the psychological symptoms that come from exposure to trauma. Without the use of trauma-specific therapy techniques, a woman may be unable to move past psychodynamic barriers that make it more difficult for her to deal with her situation. Thus, focusing on the external “trauma triggers” rather than her own internal issues will help heal BWS symptoms.

Briere and Scott¹⁰ have outlined the various steps that need to be followed during trauma therapy with abuse victims. Changing her part in the family system, even if it is dysfunctional, may be dangerous.

Trauma triggers that cause PTSD and BWS symptoms need to be identified and behavioral techniques need to be used to reduce their potency. Behavioral techniques that are useful during this phase include relaxation training, guided imagery, and successive approximation with high arousal incidents. These behavioral and cognitive-behavioral techniques may also help the woman develop cognitive clarity over time.

Some women benefit from a description of the autonomic nervous system that regulates many of PTSD symptoms.

Typical trauma triggers include the memory of the way the batterer’s face or eyes look when he begins his abuse, the curse words he shouts, a particular phrase he uses to demean or humiliate, or even the aftershave he uses or other odors he emits during the abuse. Startle responses and hypervigilance to cues of violence are the last symptoms of BWS to be extinguished. In many women, these cues or trauma triggers never totally go away. This sensitivity can interfere with new relationships. It is often necessary to help a new intimate partner develop patience and understanding to save the new relationship, provided that it is nonabusive. Despite the myth that women often go from one abusive relationship to another, data suggest that fewer than 10% of all battered women do so.⁸

The STEP is a formal application of the combination of feminist and trauma therapy.¹⁶ This 12-unit program has been empirically validated with clinic and jail populations, and it is useful for women with substance abuse as well as for those with interpersonal violence issues.⁸ When STEP is used in institutions, such as jails or substance abuse treatment centers, a shorter, adapted version of the 12 topics listed in Table 3 is generally used. In clinics and in private practice, each STEP unit may be developed over several sessions. When asked about their satisfaction level after each session, all of the women who participated in this program gave positive comments that were highly correlated with the reduction in their scores on the Beck Anxiety Inventory.

DVDs of feminist therapy with a domestic violence victim^17,18 and of a model 2-year treatment of a battered woman¹⁹ are available from www.psychotherapy.net.

LEGAL ISSUES

Many battered women are involved in legal issues and need the attention of the psychotherapist to help them get through the stress and help them understand what they need to do and to help them provide information their attorney needs. The Federal Violence Against Women Act (US Congress, 2005) provides numerous legal remedies, including declaring abuse as a violation of a woman’s human rights with subsequent opportunity for a federal lawsuit under the civil rights statutes.

Litigation frequently involves child custody and access to children. Each state has its own laws regarding parental responsibility, but they all usually presume that it is in the best interests of the child(ren) to have equal access to both parents. Unfortunately, batterers often use the children to continue their control over their ex-wives, so that it is difficult, dangerous, and usually impossible to share parental responsibility. Nevertheless, the parent whom the family court judge considers most likely to facilitate a friendly relationship with the other parent is often given greater access to the children. Mothers who try to protect their children from fathers who lack good parenting skills or who are actually abusing the children^20,21 are frequently seen as engaging in “hostile and aggressive parenting,” “parental alienation syndrome,” “psychological Munchausen by proxy,” or other similar nonempirically based disorders. They often lose custody and sometimes even all access to their children. (See http://www.Leadershipcouncil.org for more information on the danger to children after separation and divorce.)

Mothers who have lost their children frequently become depressed in addition to their trauma symptoms and are unable to fight the legal system without money or psychological energy to do so.²² Their children may end up physically, sexually, and psychologically abused by the batterer—regardless of whether he has custody, and especially if the children do not follow his orders.²⁰

In rare cases, battered women will kill their abusive partners rather than be killed themselves. As cited by the Bureau of Justice Statistics, fewer than 1200 battered women kill their batterers, while over 4000 women are killed by the men who batter them.^1,23,24The most deadly time for a woman is when the batterer believes their relationship is over. Batterers often threaten to kill rather than to let their partner go.

It may be safer for the woman to live with the batterer than try to terminate the relationship—especially if she has children she needs to protect. This is counterintuitive and seems to contradict the need for battered women to leave an abusive relationship. However, court mandates may take away most of her ability to protect herself and her children by forcing shared parental responsibility and residential custody on them. Sometimes the batterer becomes even more enraged or decompensates without the woman and children in the same home with him and ends up killing her, their children, and himself. Newspapers and television usually report these cases, sometimes without the details about the history of abuse.

An explanation of the symptoms of BMS can help juries understand when a battered woman kills in self-defense; it helps to meet the legal burden that the woman had a reasonable perception of imminent (not immediate, but about to happen) danger. It is important to explain how the woman’s fear and desperation are triggered when a new battering incident is perceived as about to occur. It is helpful for forensic mental health evaluators to have copies of previous therapy records in which the woman’s comments about abuse and fear of the batterer are recorded.

CONCLUSIONS

BWS, a subcategory of PTSD, may develop in women who are victims of intimate-partner violence. Like other forms of PTSD, symptoms of BWS may resolve after the woman is safe and out of the abusive situation. However, many women need psychotherapy to help them regain control over their lives. Some women also need psychotropic medication.

BWS symptoms may reoccur even after recovery if a new stressor or trauma is experienced. Some women may be empowered by receiving a restraining order or by taking actions that lead to the arrest of the batterer. For other women, litigation—particularly contentious child custody cases—may exacerbate stress. Mental health professionals can help abused woman get through these stressful times by making sure that the risk of further abuse is as low as possible.

Fortunately, most battered women with BWS heal, raise their children, and go on to live productive lives once they are safe from the batterers’ abuse of power and control.^5,8,10,13,17

^{References
1. Bureau of Justice Statistics Selected Findings. Violence Between Intimates (NCJ-149259). Washington, DC: US Department of Justice; November 1994.
2. Brown LS. Subversive Dialogues: Theory in Feminist Therapy. New York: Basic Books; 1994.
3. Walker LE. The Battered Woman. New York: Harper & Row; 1979.
4. American Psychological Association Presidential Task Force on Violence and the Family. Violence and the Family. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association; 1996.
5. Goodman LA, Koss MP, Fitzgerald LF, et al. Male violence against women. Current research and future directions. Am Psychol. 1993;48:1054-1058.
6. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Costs of intimate partner violence against women in the US.Washington, DC: US Department of Health and Human Services; 2003. http://www.cdc.gov/ncipc/pub-res/ipv_cost/ipv.htm. Accessed May 19, 2009.
7. American Psychological Association. Final Report of APA Working Group on Investigation of Memories of Childhood Abuse. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association; 1996.
8. Walker LE. The Battered Woman Syndrome.3rd ed. New York: Springer Publishing Company; 2009.
9. American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. Fourth Edition, Text Revision (DSM-IV-TR). Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Association; 2000.
10. Briere JN, Scott C. Principles of Trauma Therapy: A Guide to Symptoms, Evaluation, and Treatment. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications, Inc; 2007.
11.Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Behavioral risk factor surveillance system 2005 report; 2006. http://ftp.cdc.gov/pub/data/brfss/2005summarydataqualityreport.pdf. Accessed May 19, 2009.
12.Campbell JC, Webster D, Koziol-McLain J, et al. Risk factors for femicide in abusive relationships: results from a multisite case control study. Am J Public Health. 2003;93:1089-1097.
13. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Adverse health conditions and health risk behaviors associated with intimate partner violence—United States, 2005 [published correction appears in MMWR. 2008;57:237]. MMWR. 2008;57:113-117.
14. Charney DS, Deutch AY, Krystal JH, et al. Psychobiologic mechanisms of posttraumatic stress disorder. Arch Gen Psychiatry. 1993;50:295-305.
15. Babcock JC, Green CE, Robie C. Does batterers’ treatment work? A meta-analytic review of domestic violence treatment. Clin Psychol Rev.2004;23:1023-1053.
16. Walker LE. Abused Women and Survivor Therapy: A Practical Guide for the Psychotherapist. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association; 1994.
17. Browne A. Violence against women by male partners. Prevalence, outcomes, and policy implications. Am Psychol. 1993;48:1077-1087.
18. Walker LE. Feminist Therapy: Psychotherapy With the Experts Series.Needham Heights, MA: Allyn &Bacon; 1998.
19. Walker LE. The Abused Woman: A Survivor Therapy Approach. Assessment and Treatment of Psychological Disorders Video Series. http://www.psychotherapy.net/video/Abused_Woman. Accessed July 1, 2009.
20. Bancroft L, Silverman JG. The Batterer as a Parent: Addressing the Impact of Domestic Violence on Family Dynamics. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications, Inc; 2002.
21. Edleson JL. The overlap between child maltreatment and woman battering. Violence Against Women. 1999;5:134-154.
22. Clements CM, Sabourin CM, Spiby L. Dysphoria and hopelessness following battering: the role of perceived control, coping, and self-esteem. J Family Violence. 2004;19:25-36.
23. Bureau of Justice Statistics Special Report. Murder in Families (NCJ-143498). Washington, DC: US Department of Justice; 1994.
24. Bureau of Justice Statistics. Family Violence Statistics: Including Statistics on Strangers and Acquaintances. US Department of Justice. http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/abstract/fvs.htm. Accessed May 19, 2009.}

^{For More Information
• American Psychological Association Ad Hoc Committee on Legal and Ethical Issues in the Treatment of Interpersonal Violence. Potential Problems for Psychologists Working With the Area of Interpersonal Violence. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association; 1997.}

^{• US Department of Justice. Violence Against Women Act (VAWA). 2005. http://www.ovw.usdoj.gov/regulations.htm.}

More Research: Trauma and Violence…Battered Women « RightsForMothers.com

Mapping Intimate and Domestic Violence Murders

2009-07-11T12:32:00.002-05:00

Cathy Church, Executive Director of Access Justice NOW and blogger of “Intimate and Domestic Violence Homicides in the News” has a map compiled of these. “Beginning in April 2009, I began accumulating articles involving Intimate Violence and/ Domestic or Domestic Violence Homicides,” Cathy states on her Google map. Please stop by and take a look at it…the associated articles are along the left sidebar. There are way too many.

See Cathy’s updated map and associated articles here.

Domestic Violence Can Also Include Economic Abuse

2009-07-05T15:04:00.002-05:00

From The Sacramento Bee: Domestic violence can also include economic abuse

By Anita Creamer acreamer@sacbee.com
Published: Saturday, Jul. 4, 2009 - 12:00 am Page 6B

Over time, the abuse escalated to what she describes as a terrifying degree. But as it slowly began, said Marsha Guyton, her then-husband insisted that they open a joint checking account.
"He said, 'We're married now, and I want us to feel that we're as one,' " said Guyton, an events coordinator for the California Partnership to End Domestic Violence. "So I closed my own account. He had access to all my money. And if he got mad, he'd pull it all out of the account. I'd use my ATM card, and the money wasn't there."

The little-publicized stepchild of domestic violence, economic abuse involves manipulating a partner by controlling his or her finances. Perpetrators' tactics can include forcing their partners to sign over their paychecks and purposely racking up debt to ruin victims' credit.

Not surprisingly, economic abuse is on the rise, fueled by the same family and financial difficulties that have led battered women's shelters in Sacramento and across the country to report a steep increase in calls for services. Even so, almost 70 percent of people responding to a recent national survey said they see no link between economic abuse and domestic violence.
"Most people haven't even heard of economic abuse," said Jennifer McGrath, spokeswoman for the Allstate Foundation Economics Against Abuse program, which commissioned the study. "When we tell them, people just sit back. It's their aha moment. It's so powerful.

"A lot of times, people will say, 'Why doesn't she just leave?' But if you've been forced to hand over your paycheck, how are you supposed to find a place to stay and put food on the table?"
Domestic violence experts have long recognized the powerful connection between money and abuse. For batterers, holding exclusive sway over the family finances can amount to another way of isolating and controlling their partners, one that leaves no visible bruises. But what exactly does that mean?

Guyton said that for her, it meant losing two jobs because her ex showed up at her workplace, threatening harm. For other women, said My Sister's House executive director Nilda Valmores, it means working to support their household while their unemployed partner squanders money on gambling, drugs and other women. "Economic abuse can involve having all the pressure," said Valmores, whose agency provides shelter to immigrant women. "The woman works and wears every hat possible, while the man acts like the king of the house."

Sometimes, abusers cancel credit cards or insurance policies without their partner's knowledge.
Still other victims end up losing their homes to foreclosure because their abusive partner refuses to make house payments, said Beth Hassett, executive director of Women Escaping a Violent Environment.

"We've got a couple of clients who are separated but having to live in the same house because they can't afford to leave," said Hassett. "So they're still under the same roof as their abuser.
"One thing I've never heard before – a couple of our clients have reported that their partner has destroyed their textbooks and schoolwork."

Limiting someone's education, after all, can mean limiting the ability to find work or receive promotions. Yet when the abuse is economic, victims often don't even realize it's happening, said WEAVE's development director Julie Bornhoeft. "There's a lot of conditioning to put a sense of responsibility on them," she said.

In Guyton's case, coming to terms with what was happening involved examining her religious upbringing. "I was taught that the man is in charge of the home and the finances," she said. "Don't ask him questions. He's the king of the home. You're there to help him and be submissive, especially in financial matters."

"If you don't have a pastor who's sensitive to women's issues, they won't want to hear your story. They'll say, 'Don't provoke him.' You don't know how many eggshells I walked on, and still you blame yourself."

Farrah Fawcett’s ‘Burning Bed’ Gave Domestic Abuse Another Face

2009-06-28T13:20:00.006-05:00

From examiner.com:
By Connie Ann Kirk

Actor, Farrah Fawcett, had said in various interviews over the years that the work she was most proud of was her role as Francine Hughes in The Burning Bed. Adapted from the non-fiction book by Faith McNulty, the television movie helped give the problem of domestic abuse another face–a familiar and glamorous one that television audiences knew well.

The book was about a woman who had lived with her husband hitting her for quite some time. Finally, one night after he raped her in their bed, she set the bed on fire with him in it. It was a true story.

Fawcett was perhaps best-known for her role as Jill Munroe on the popular detective television series, Charlie’s Angels. However, when she undertook the serious part in The Burning Bed, she allowed herself to look, not like the poster pin-up she had become, but instead as a battered and beaten woman–bruised, sweaty, hair messed up–a woman distraught; and a woman torn. Her performance in the film made those who had not done so before look at Ms. Fawcett as having the talent of a serious actor.

There will be eulogies and tributes to Farrah Fawcett now at her passing. People will remember her for many things–poster girl; Charlie’s Angel; a spokesperson for cancer patients in her later days–but perhaps considering a list of works she found most satisfying in her chosen profession is one of the best ways to remember her. The Burning Bed is certainly one of the prime candidates for that list.

R.I.P., Farrah Fawcett.

Senate Subcommittee to Vote on VAWA CJS Spending Measure

2009-06-24T19:18:00.004-05:00

Senate Subcommittee to Vote on VAWA CJS Spending Measure.

Background
Tuesday, June 23, 2009. The Senate Appropriations Subcommittee on Commerce, Justice and Science (CJS) will begin work on its FY 2010 budget, which includes funding for Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) programs.

Last week the House passed their version of the FY 2010 Commerce, Justice, and Science Appropriations bill (HR 2847), which, thanks to your efforts included an increase of $17.5 million over the FY 2009 budget and the President’s FY 2010 budget proposal for VAWA CJS programs.

Today we need you to call the members of the Senate CJS Subcommittee and ask them to fully fund VAWA programs at $683 million and raise the Victims of Crime Act (VOCA) Cap to $705 million.

Take Action Now!

Call the members of the Senate CJS Subcommittee and ask them to fully fund VAWA programs at $683 million and raise the VOCA Cap to $705 million.

Click here to see if either of your Senators sits on the CJS Subcommittee.

Never called your Senator before? Don’t worry, it’s easy!

Call 1-866-305-9428 toll free to be connected to the Capitol Switchboard.

Tell them the name of your Senator and they will connect you to their office. Your call will be answered by a receptionist. Tell him or her:

“Hello, my name is ____ and I am a constituent, from [include your state and town or zip].”

“I urge Senator [last name] to fully fund the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) programs at $683 million and raise the Victims of Crime Act (VOCA) cap to $705 million. VAWA programs have helped to make our country a safer place for families, victims and communities. By fully funding these vital, cost-effective programs, Congress will help to break the cycle of domestic and sexual violence in our country."

“Thank you.”

Outlook and Next Steps
After the CJS subcommittee passes its budget, the full Appropriations Committee is scheduled to vote on the CJS budget on Thursday, June 25th before the full Senate votes on the final CJS budget. Please stay tuned for updates.

Email your friends, family and colleagues and encourage them to call. Our strength is in our numbers and your calls make a difference! For more information please contact Tralonne Shorter at tshorter@nnedv.org or 202.543.5566

Additional Information

Click here for more information on funding on VAWA funding.

The Continued Importance of the Violence Against Women Act

2009-06-16T18:36:00.007-05:00

The Acting Director from the Office on Violence Against Women, U.S. Department of Justice realizes that abusive, battering fathers are getting custody of children. She testified before the U.S. Senate Committee on the Judiciary recently:

STATEMENT OF
CATHERINE PIERCE
ACTING DIRECTOR
OFFICE ON VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN
UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE

BEFORE THE
UNITED STATES SENATE
COMMITTEE ON THE JUDICIARY

HEARING ENTITLED
“THE CONTINUED IMPORTANCE OF THE VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN ACT”

PRESENTED

JUNE 10, 2009

What is interesting is close to the final remarks in the statement is this:

The complicated issue of child custody presents another challenge involving the intersection of children and domestic violence. Battered women losing custody of their children is a serious and growing problem. In August of 2008, OVW convened a Roundtable Discussion on Custody and Domestic Violence with experts and practitioners to inform OVW about how battered women are losing custody of their children to either the perpetrators (through Family Court) or to the State (through Child Protective Services). As a result of the Roundtable Discussion, OVW will be supporting a variety of projects: training for attorneys and judges; increased access to legal representation for victims of domestic violence; training for custody evaluators; the development of easily accessible resources and tools that will assist judges and others in making informed decisions around custody; and increased public awareness about how children are being placed in the custody of batterers and how that is affecting those children. OVW will also increase collaboration with HHS to assist in developing better domestic violence practices for the child protection system.

To download “THE CONTINUED IMPORTANCE OF THE VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN ACT”, statement by Catherine Pierce, Acting Director of OVW, before the U.S. Senate Judiciary Committee, please click here.

Domestic Violence Reports Rising in Economy

2009-06-14T15:04:00.003-05:00

Financial stress getting physical

WASHINGTON (NBC) - A tragic by-product of America's economic problems is a rise in domestic violence. Doctors and social workers are seeing more battered women and abused children. As families struggle to pay their bills, sometimes all that financial stress gets physical.

After more than 20 years of verbal and physical abuse, Kathryn Fukusawa thought things couldn't get worse, then the recession hit. "When I couldn't support the family anymore due to my depression and the economics not being, not allowing me to find a job, that the abuse become much more severe," Kathryn said.

After Wall Street collapsed last fall, more than half the calls to the National Domestic Violence Hotline came from women like Kathryn whose financial situation had changed.

This year, nearly three out of four shelters report seeing more women in crisis with money problems, many related to stress and job loss. "Families who never had abuse in their relationships are absolutely being pushed to the stressing point where things are getting more explosive than they had been," Jane Randel with Liz Claiborne said.

Today, Liz Claiborne and the Family Violence Prevention Fund report half the teenagers with parents stressed-out over money are seeing verbal, emotional and physical abuse at home, and often end up in abusive relationships themselves.

"It's simple: kids watch what their parents do," Esa Soler with Family Violence Prevention Fund said. "They learn what their parents do, and they repeat it."

Boston hospitals suspect the economy's to blame for increasing cases of child abuse. "Toilet training or um, learning to talk, having frustrations, having meltdowns, and for a parent who's already stressed, those behaviors can be very provocative," Dr. Alice Newton with the Children's Hospital Boston said.

With no income, Kathryn had a tough choice: take the abuse, or be homeless. Eventually, she left. "It took me 10 months to find a job, but I went through those 10 months diligently knowing that I was going to have to persevere," Kathryn said.

Researchers have found that couples under financial strain are three times more likely to experience domestic violence.

On Capitol Hill Wednesday, advocates urged Congress to beef up the laws that protect victims, mostly women and children.

Miss Washington Led a 'Double Life' of Domestic Violence

2009-05-30T13:11:00.003-05:00

Miss Washington led a 'double life' of domestic violence- it can happen to anyone
May 28, 4:38 PM

Former Miss Washington, Elyse Umemoto, has recently revealed that she was in an abusive relationship during her year representing the state. Two weeks after the Yakima-native finished in the top three of the 2008 Miss America pageant, she was brutally assaulted by her boyfriend and left bruised and battered. It was part of a pattern of abuse in the relationship that had started in 2007. She hid the violence during her reign, living what she called a "double life".

Now, Umemoto has come forward to tell her story to help other women. "If this can happen to me - I was almost Miss America - nobody's exempt," she told the Seattle Times.

The pageant winner continued her work as Miss Washington, all while dealing with the justice system. Umemoto filed charges against her boyfriend, and he was ultimately sentenced to 240 hours of community service and two years probation. Today, she is speaking publically about the abuse because she wants other women and teens to know they are not alone and can seek out help.

Domestic abuse is a difficult issue, and it is courageous of Umemoto to speak out about her experiences. When the public became fixated on the domestic abuse of singer Rihanna by her boyfriend, Chris Brown, another singer, it showed how little sympathy victims get. Many blamed Rihanna for the abuse, accusing her of trying to damage Brown's career. Perhaps most disturbing, many teen girls felt Rihanna had deserved what had happened to her.

It is critical that we talk to teens- both girls and boys- about the realities of abusive relationships. They need to understand it is not acceptable to hit or abuse your partner. If your partner is abusing you, you have the right to get help. No one don't deserves the abuse. Most important, teens need to know that they will be believed and respected if they ask for help, even when they feel ashamed. It doesn't take a lot, but it can do so much to protect our kids.

Source: Seattle Times

Domestic violence: Legislation requiring automatic arrest of parolees goes to governor

2009-05-18T22:33:00.002-05:00

By Angela Rozas | Tribune reporter
May 15, 2009
Parolees accused of domestic violence would be automatically arrested for violating their parole under a measure sent to Gov. Pat Quinn Thursday.
The bill comes a little more than a year after a woman was killed in Chicago by a former boyfriend on parole for murder. Mersaides McCauley, 22, was shot to death by Glen Martinez five months after he was arrested for attacking her and a parole officer declined to push to revoke his parole and he was freed.
Under current state law, arrest warrants must be issued only if parolees commit felonies with a knife or firearm or don't register as sex offenders. In all other cases, arrest warrants for parole violations are issued at the state's discretion and decided on a case-by-case basis. The new law would take away that discretion for domestic violence crimes.
The measure would also double the mandatory supervised release term for a number of domestic violence crimes to four years from two. Also, the bill would require 40 hours of domestic violence training for all parole officers handling more...Domestic violence: Legislation requiring automatic arrest of parolees goes to governor -- chicagotribune.com

Orlando police seeking person of interest in attempted rape

2009-05-18T22:16:00.002-05:00

Look at this picture, if you have any information please call the number listed at the bottom of the article.
Orlando police are looking for this person of interest in the kidnapping and attempted rape of a girl, 16. (Orlando Police Department / May 18, 2009)

Orlando police released a photograph Monday evening of a person of interest in the case of the kidnapping and attempted rape of a 16-year-old girl.
The teen was attacked about 5:15 a.m. Sunday in Orlando's Englewood neighborhood. The attacker followed her to a Dunkin' Donuts at 1131 S. Semoran Blvd. then eastbound on nearby La Costa Drive, police spokeswoman Sgt. Barbara Jones said. He then grabbed her and took her against her will to the Englewood Neighborhood Center, where he tried to rape her.
The attacker was armed with a pocket knife. The victim was not seriously injured, Jones said.
Anyone with information is asked to call Orlando police or Crimeline at 1-800-423-TIPS. Original Article here: Orlando police seeking person of interest in attempted rape -- OrlandoSentinel.com

Gay teens in SC excluded from being protected by new Domestic Violence Prevention Program

2009-05-15T21:32:00.001-05:00

This is just sick...Here’s part of since I can not comment intelligently on this, the link at the bottom is to the full article.

COLUMBIA, S.C. (AP) — South Carolina lawmakers want to prevent violence in teen relationships but won't allow a new school program aimed at curbing such abuse to mention gay and lesbian partnerships.

State representatives voted overwhelmingly Thursday to bar any mention of homosexual relationships in the new program for middle and high school students. The move was pushed by lawmakers who said they don't want schools teaching about gay relationships and said they doubt those partnerships have high levels of abuse.

"I do not want the Department of Education or school districts teaching our children in grades six through 12 about same-sex relationships," said Rep. Greg Delleney, a Chester Republican who pushed to make the violence prevention program apply only to heterosexual relationships. "I'm sure it would develop into that."

The measure, which was swiftly condemned by gay rights advocates passed the GOP-dominated House 75-25 and should head to the Senate next week. It initially was intended to curb youth violence in a state that consistently ranks high in the number of women killed by men.

Steve Ralls, national spokesman for Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians & Gays, said he had not heard of another state with an anti-dating violence program that excluded same-sex relationships.

"We are astounded that there are those who would prioritize their own homophobia ahead of the safety of the young people of South Carolina," he said. "Lesbian and gay young people are often doubly vulnerable when they are in environments where they are disrespected and adults are sending clear messages that their well-being isn't as important."

Bill sponsor Rep. Joan Brady said excluding gay relationships is fine and declared that, "Traditional domestic violence occurs in...MORE Here --> The Associated Press: SC House nixes mention of gays in date-abuse bill

Daughter of battered wife Barbara Sheehan, who killed NYPD officer husband, is glad mom shot dad

2009-05-15T21:06:00.001-05:00

I think this daughter speaking out on her moms behalf tells way more of the story than anything else I have heard about this case!

The daughter of an abusive NYPD officer shot dead by his battered wife said she's glad he's gone.

"No part of me misses him. My life is 150% better," Jennifer Sheehan said of her slain dad, Sgt. Raymond Sheehan, in an interview Thursday with Oprah Winfrey.

Jennifer Sheehan, 23, said she and her brother lived in "constant fear" her dad would harm their mom. He also went after them, once locking them in a bedroom at gunpoint, she said.

Barbara Sheehan pumped 11 bullets into her husband in their Howard Beach, Queens, home last February. She's awaiting trial on murder charges.

"I had no choice," a tearful Sheehan, 48, told Winfrey. "He was going to kill me."

Sheehan - who is free on $1 million bail - led a camera crew on a tour of the couple's upstairs bathroom, where she says her husband aimed a gun at her and threatened to kill her for refusing to join him on a trip to Florida.

She grabbed his second gun from the bedroom and raced for the stairs, opening fire when he refused to drop his gun.

"I just shot it," she said. "It all happened so fast."

Barbara Sheehan said she wanted to share her tale to warn other women to get out of abusive relationships.

She tried to leave her husband multiple times, but said he vowed to hunt her down and kill her and the kids.

Sheehan's lawyer, Michael Dowd, said he was "bewildered" that Queens prosecutors were pursuing the case in light of the history of abuse.

A spokesman for the Queens district attorney said, "This case, like all cases in Queens County, will be tried in the courtroom and not in the media."

nbode@nydailynews.com

Daughter of battered wife Barbara Sheehan, who killed NYPD officer husband, is glad mom shot dad

Mary Kay launches initiative to help fight domestic violence

2009-05-13T14:52:00.001-05:00

The study outlined below was conducted from April 24, 2009 to May 7, 2009. I want to point out that 3/4 of the Domestic Violence (DV) Shelters involved in this survey have stated that they have seen an increase in those seeking assistance. I would like to also point out that we have seen a HUGE increase in murder-suicides in the last few months as well. The results below state that shelters have noticed the increase since September 2008.

May 12, 2009 09:40 AM Eastern Daylight Time

“Mary Kay’s Truth About Abuse” Survey Links Economic Downturn to National Increase in Domestic Violence

Mary Kay Launches Philanthropic Initiative Beauty That Counts^TMto Help Fight Domestic Violence

DALLAS--(BUSINESS WIRE)--Mary Kay Inc. today announced results from “Mary Kay’sTruth About Abuse” survey of domestic violence shelters across the country. The findings reveal an alarming trend: three out of four domestic violence shelters report an increase in women seeking assistance from abuse since September 2008, a major turning point in the U.S. economy. The survey data directly connects a major reason for the increase in domestic violence to the downturn in the economy.

“Mary Kay’sTruth About Abuse” survey polled more than 600 domestic violence shelters nationwide. Representatives of the shelters surveyed report they have observed an increase in requests for assistance from domestic violence victims because of the following reasons:

Seventy-three percent attribute the rise in abuse to “financial issues.”

“Stress” and “job loss” (61 percent and 49 percent, respectively) also proved to be leading contributing factors in the reported increase in domestic violence cases involving women.

“Mary Kay’s survey confirms what we’ve been hearing from domestic violence programs across the country,” said Sue Else, president of the National Network to End Domestic Violence. “The economic downturn is exacerbating domestic violence. The demand for domestic violence services is growing, and we must increase support for victims during this difficult time. Now more than ever, we urge corporations and other organizations to follow Mary Kay’s lead in the fight to end domestic violence.”

“Mary Kay’sTruth About Abuse” Survey Regional Findings

Mary Kay’s survey compared four U.S. regions, including the Northeast, South, Midwest and West. Survey highlights include:

The number of shelters reporting an increase in women seeking help as a result of domestic violence since September 2008:

The region with the largest reported increase was the South (78 percent); followed by

The Midwest region, which reported a 74 percent increase;

The Northeast takes the No. 3 place with a 72 percent reported increase; and

The West rounds out the regional list with a 71 percent reported increase in women seeking help as a result of domestic violence.

The survey also inquired about the cause(s) for the increase in domestic violence cases across regions:

Seventy-five percent of shelters in the West report “financial issues.”

Approximately 66 percent of respondents in the Midwest note “stress.”

More than half of respondents (53 percent) in the South report “job loss.”

The “loss of a home or vehicle” was reported more often in the Midwest than other regions, with 44 percent; the Northeast had the lowest with 35 percent.

Reasons more commonly associated with domestic violence, such as “substance abuse” and “relationship challenges,” also contributed to the increase in domestic violence shelter assistance in each region, according to the survey.

One Lipstick at a Time: Beauty That Counts™ Initiative

To help combat domestic violence, Mary Kay Inc. is launching a national philanthropic campaign, Beauty That Counts™. In the United States, from May 1, 2009, through Dec. 15, 2009, $1 will be donated from each sale of Beauty That Counts™ Mary Kay^® Creme Lipstick in limited-edition Pink Passion and in Gingerbread. As part of its U.S.-based efforts, Mary Kay Inc. is proud to support the Mary Kay Ash Charitable Foundation in its ongoing commitment to end domestic violence. For the inaugural year of the global Beauty That Counts™ initiative in 2008, Mary Kay is donating just under $2 million (USD) to causes that change the lives of women and children around the world, including domestic violence prevention and education efforts.

Rhonda Shasteen, spokesperson for Mary Kay’s Beauty That Counts™ initiative, added: “Financial issues have affected many families across the country, putting domestic violence survivors at an even greater risk for abuse. That’s one more reason why Mary Kay offers programs such as Beauty That Counts™ to further its commitment to preventing and ending domestic violence.”

For more information on Mary Kay’s Beauty That Counts^TMprogram or its U.S. philanthropic efforts, please visit www.marykay.com.

About Mary Kay

Mary Kay, one of the largest direct sellers of skin care and color cosmetics, realized another year of record results. In 2008 Mary Kay Inc. and its international subsidiaries achieved $2.6 billion in wholesale sales worldwide. Mary Kay^® products are sold in more than 35 markets worldwide, and the global Mary Kay independent sales force exceeds 1.9 million. To learn more about Mary Kay, log on to www.marykay.com or call 1-800-MARY KAY (1-800-627-9529).

About “Mary Kay’sTruth About Abuse” Survey

The survey polled 634 domestic violence shelters across the United States about domestic violence and the economy. The study was conducted online between April 24, 2009, and May 7, 2009.

About the Mary Kay Ash Charitable Foundation

The Mary Kay Ash Charitable Foundation was created in 1996, and its mission is twofold: to fund research of cancers affecting women and help prevent domestic violence while raising awareness of the issue. Since the Foundation’s inception, it has awarded nearly $18 million to shelters and programs addressing domestic violence prevention and nearly $12 million to cancer researchers and related causes throughout the United States. To learn more about the Mary Kay Ash Charitable Foundation, log on to www.mkacf.org or call 1-877-MKCARES (1-877-652-2737).

Domestic Violence Victim Put at Risk when Address Disclosed to Abuser

2009-04-30T19:01:00.002-05:00

Reading this article really upset me, but I know all too well that something like this can happen at any time to any victim, and has happened in the past from different agencies and different ways. This is why it is so important for victims to take a crucial role in their safety and that of the kids by learning of the different ways to protect their addresses. 28 states that I know of at this time has what’s called and Address Confidentiality Program (ACP). With this program, a victim goes into a shelter, shows her need to protect her address from an abuser (court papers, restraining orders and the such), and puts in her application for the ACP program. It doesn’t take long to be put on the program, and the address given by this program can be used on everything. Drivers licenses, courts, at the doctors, schools, electric and phone bills, this way there is less chance of an address being found out by an abuser. Some states don’t have this yet, if yours does not, write to your Senator about the need for this program, and see if it may be implemented at a later time. Also, make sure anyone that has your address understands and knows that it must be confidential because of a DV Situation. If you have a restraining order, show it! No matter who you are giving your address to, protect that address. Get a PO Box for your bills, and every day use. Get the PO Box in another town away from where you live, somewhere you can check at least once a week without too much hassle, but not close enough to where you live or where you go and shop that an abuser could find you through it if the abuser gets a hold of that information.

These are a few things I can think of at this time, and I pray that this Survivor stays safe. It is all too easy now for abusers to find addresses through a phone bill, electric bill, or a mistake that many more steps need to be taken by any victim to protect themselves.

Please read more about the ACP Program if you are a Victim or Survivor

State Address Confidentiality Programs (ACP)

http://abclocal.go.com/wabc/story?section=news/investigators&id=6776389

By Sarah Wallace - Video Available

LONG ISLAND (WABC) -- A Suffolk County, Long Island mother of three is blaming child support services for giving her confidential address to her abusive ex-husband. How did it happen and could there be others?

County officials say yes, there could be others. They say there is a bureaucratic breakdown when cases are sent over to child support services from family court, because there's no mechanism to red flag domestic violence cases. Addresses may be disclosed to ex-spouses even when they're supposed to be kept confidential. Now, a major review is underway because of what was uncovered.
It is an Eyewitness News exclusive.
"They literally, they could have killed me," Rebecca Triana said. "I mean, I still don't know if he's going show up at my door."
Triana is outraged and terrified. Several months ago, she moved her three little girls into what she thought was a safe haven of a home on Long Island, an address she says she desperately tried to keep secret from her violent ex-husband.
"I moved to make sure that he could not find us and hurt me or the children," she said. "He has choked me to unconsciousness, he has ripped the pearls from my neck, he has punched me and kicked me."
Hoover Triana, who has pleaded not guilty, has a pending case in Suffolk County for misdemeanor assault against his ex-wife. Rebecca has obtained multiple orders of protection to keep him away from her work and home and, as a precaution, her address never appears on court and other state documents. It's listed as "confidential."
"I thought I would be safe here," she said. "For nine months, I remained confidential."
It was confidential until she received a copy of a child support notice issued by Suffolk County sent to Rebecca's ex-husband. Her address in plain sight.
Eyewitness News Reporter Sarah Wallace: "What did the supervisor in the child support services office say to you?"
Rebecca: "They just apologized and told me to go to a shelter."
Wallace: "They just said, 'I'm sorry?'"
Rebecca: "Yes, 'It's our mistake.'"
Wallace: "And how does this make you feel?"
Rebecca: "Very angry, actually, very angry. Because I didn't ask anybody for help, I did this myself. I went ahead and took the opportunity to move closer to my job, gave my children a new sense of security. When we first moved here, they were like, 'Daddy can't find us here, right?' And I promised them he couldn't and then they mailed it. It's been a lot."
"After everything we've been through, the people that are supposed to help us actually gave our confidential address out," she added. "And my question is, one, how does this kind of mistake happen? And two, how many other women has this happened to?"
The Suffolk County Department of Social Services said it could not discuss Rebecca Triana's specific case, but a spokesman acknowledged a systemic breakdown.
"Many times, the system used to transfer this information does not include information about domestic violence," Roland Hampson said.
Wallace: "So when you get something from the courts, there's nothing that flags you not to give the address to a potentially abusive spouse?"
Hampson: "Many times not."
Wallace: "That's a problem."
Hampson: "That's a problem and that's why we're discussing how to deal with this with the courts."
Wallace: "But there could be other cases like this?"
Hampson: "But this is the first time we've heard of a situation like this."
Hoover Triana has honored all of the orders of protection and told Eyewitness News he would never jeopardize any future relationship with his children.
Rebecca Triana is not taking any chances. She's installed an alarm system and applied for a pistol permit.
Wallace: "You think the state should re-locate you?"
Rebecca: "Absolutely, for my children's sake, I want to be re-located to another address in the same exact town so my children's lives are not disrupted."
Wallace: "And you think the state should pay?"
Rebecca: "I definitely think the state should pay. The state made the mistake and I think there should be a program instituted that this never happens to another woman again."
Suffolk officials say they are going to put in procedures to make sure this doesn't happen again and they are working with Mrs.Triana on her housing situation.
WEB PRODUCED BY: Daniela Royes

Newark Family Court Rally April 27th, to Save Two Young Girls

2009-04-25T11:20:00.001-05:00

Hello Stop Family Violence NY and NJ!
There is an important event taking place at the Newark Family Court on Monday April 27 at noon that I hope you can attend.   Here are the details:
Urgent Crisis
—two young daughters are in imminent danger of being taken from their protective mother and handed to their sexually abusive father, potentially within this month!
Facts of this Case:
      — 6 out of 7 child abuse experts concluded these young girls were molested;
      –every objective child abuse expert found child sexual abuse
      –Guardian Ad Litum concluded child sexual abuse and sexual abuse/domestic violence of mother;
      –experts agree mother is good, loving and primary attachment figure to these young girls;
      –family court judge has methodically and strategically buried all of the evidence and declared no abuse or domestic violence
      –judge blames the mother, and is threatening to rip these children away from their mother and give custody to their father
      –three well known attorneys certified to the judge’s bias in this case

This woman is one of us, but also one of many other cases where mothers trying to protect abused children are being discriminated against by family court judges because of bias, ignorance and corruption of power.
Your presence is urgently needed to save these girls and others. Bring attention to what is a continuation of abuse against battered mothers who try to protect themselves and their children in Essex County ’s family court!
     Date: Monday, April 27th, 2009
     Time: 12:00 Noon
     Place: Essex County Family Courthouse
              212 Washington Street
              Newark , NJ 07102
Let them know we’re watching and we won’t be silent!
Contact mothersforlegaljustice@yahoo.com and actnow@stopfamilyviolence.org to say you’ll be there
Free Parking is available at Edison Parking on Bank Street just off of Halsey. Code word: “protest rally”. Please carpool to the max!
I hope you can join us for this important event!
PLEASE FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO OTHERS WHO MAY BE INTERESTED IN ATTENDING!
Together, we can www.stopfamilyviolence.org
Irene Weiser

Join Rally in New Jersey on Monday, April 27th, to Save Two Young Girls from Rath of Family Court « RightsForMothers.com

Forgiveness Survey: Do Survivors of Abuse Need to Forgive in Order to Heal?

2009-04-22T17:34:00.000-05:00

I was sent this survey through FaceBook, and feel that it is something to share and that it's important to get as many out looks on this as possible. This is not an easy topic, and not easily answered, and many have different views on this. I feel that in the sharing of feelings there is power, and that in order to do so, we need to work together and let our feelings be known.

My name is Lacey Brooks, and I am the team leader for the Alaska Army of Angels. We are a group dedicated to helping survivors of abuse and trauma to heal, and to raising awareness about high rates of abuse and violence in the state of Alaska and beyond.

This is a survey designed to gather people's opinions about forgiveness as it relates to survivors of domestic violence, child abuse, rape, sexual assault, or related trauma/abuse. It is not intended to influence or change your personal opinion; there are no right or wrong answers.

Please read more and take the annonumous survey!

The Power of One

2009-04-22T11:49:00.001-05:00

There is a new campaign going on in North Carolina, sponsored by the NCCADV, and running through Oct. 1, 2009.

If you live in NC please read about the campaign here: http://uaadvnorthcarolina.blogspot.com/2009/04/power-of-one.html

If you are not in NC but you know others who are feel free to pass on the link or its contents in whatever way you see fit.

Thank you!!

DV Most Wanted: AMW's The Nightmare After Christmas

2009-04-20T15:21:00.000-05:00

Abraham Mpaka

AMW is looking for Abraham Mpaka (Ndapuka Shilongo) for the murder of his girlfriend the day after Christmas, leaving her to die while her children watched. From what AMW has learned, Coty Paul, a single mother of 2, had learned of Mpaka's con-artist ways and was trying to break off their relationship, but he just wouldn't leave. On that day, she ignored him while he talked and continued to watch her favorite preacher talk on tv at her neighbors house, he stabbed her in her chest and ran, leaving her to die. Her 14 year old daughter tried to save her Mothers life by applying pressure to the stab wound while calling 911, but unfortunately it was too late.

These children need this murderer brought to justice! They believe that Mpaka is still in the S. Florida area, but they aren't sure. Someone somewhere has had contact with him, and someone has to know where he is! Please, if you have any information on this murder, contact AMW and help these children bring this monster to justice! The children deserve to sleep in peace knowing that he's behind bars and unable to hurt anyone else! He's done this once, he can do this again!

Please, go to AMW and get the information provided and call AMW if you have any further information to give. This murderer does NOT deserve to be free while these children's lives have been destroyed by their Mothers senseless murder!

Update- thinking about Violence

2009-04-20T11:10:00.002-05:00

In the last few weeks, my life has been filled with Miss Virginia preparations, a heavy school workload, and remembering. Many of you may know that I am currently a graduate student at Virginia Tech, a community plagued by violence in the last few years. Last Thursday, April 16, was the two year anniversary of the murder of 32 innocent people here. As I stood with a friend on the drillfield at noon and listened to the biographies of all those who passed away, I couldn't help but think about how senseless this all was. This comes on the heels of the brutal death of a Chinese graduate student in January in the graduate life center whose murder was ruled part of "a domestic dispute".

My own life has been filled with connections to DV as an issue. It impacted my family personally. I was tormented as I watched the very courts and people supposed to protect us let us down. After a year volunteering in a shelter, I've seen how widespread this is. And after years working for a lawyer who represents victims, the days change, but the stories do not.

It's easy for all of us to get bogged down in the challenges in front of us- and I do it, too. Last week my car overheated and I was forced to cancel two pageant-related appointments across the state that set me back a good week in my preparation. At the end of the day, though, this is about something bigger. I promise that I am trying my hardest every single day to give a voice to everyone who doesn't have it right now.

This year there will be a People's Choice Award this year by online voting, and it will be like American Idol to raise money for the scholarship fund at .99 a vote. I would really appreciate your support. The voting begins June 1st. This years Miss America was the People's Choice Winner and the judges choice!

I'd love to follow in her footsteps!

I was extremely lucky during the "number draw" during Workshop Weekend (which is where we choose our spot in the lineup). I am number 15, last in my group, and I have a hotel room to myself! I perform my talent on Thursday night, then evening gown, swimsuit, and onstage question on Friday.

The closer this gets, the better I feel, even on the days that get me down. All of your supportive notes and emails mean a lot to me. A group of my undergraduate students are coming to cheer me on, which means a lot to me to have made that kind of impact in one semester.

If you want to reach me to ask me any questions or offer any suggestions, please email me at lauraformissva@yahoo.com

Isn't it Time to Call Cut?

2009-04-04T09:24:00.000-05:00

Keira Knightley stars in video to raise awareness of domestic violence for Women's Aid in the UK. WARNING: MAY TRIGGER.

UAADV supports Miss Laura Pennington as the next Miss Virginia!

2009-04-01T14:08:00.008-05:00

http://www.missva.com/

Miss Laura Pennington is running for Miss Virginia 2009, and UAADV support her as a Sister Survivor and Advocate, and feel that she will bring much needed awareness in her role as Miss Virginia 2009. Domestic Violence and Breaking the Silence is her platform for the pageant, and has always been in the past. To Miss Laura Pennington, it is not just a platform or a pageant, but a positive way to reach out to women and children about Domestic Violence and how to have a healthy relationship.

Below is a write up that she has shared, and more information will be coming in the future. Please, visit her personal site, get to know her and her mission, and support her in becoming the next Miss Virginia!

Personal message from Miss Laura Pennington:

I feel like my position as a survivor, someone who has worked for a DV attorney for three years, and someone who has volunteered and interned for years in shelters has allowed me to see this issue from all sides. The fact is-DV is so often miscatergorized. People just don't understand it. I have honestly been surprised at what has happened recently with Chris Brown and Rhianna-many celebrities have actually stepped up and refused to support Chris Brown or his music because of what he did, but then my mom and I saw Judge Judy on Larry King saying that Chris Brown just had "anger management issues." Anger management issues that only seem to break out around females? He's never exploded at his manager, gotten into a fight with friends, etc? He has a problem abusing women, not an anger management problem. This current issue highlights so many reasons people just don't understand what's really happening.

There are so many stereotypes out there about women and I feel we so frequently get pigeon-holed. It's something I live every day. I have been asked by colleagues "How do you expect to be taken seriously as a graduate student when you compete in pageants?" The answer is because I believe that women SHOULD be able to do whatever they want to do without social stigmas attached to it. And I believe that I will be taken seriously on both ends precisely because I refuse to fit into the mold society has provided for me. Little girls today are given women like Britney Spears and Paris Hilton to look up to-not real women, putting themselves through college and graduate school, volunteering on the side and reaching for their dreams.

So absolutely, if I have the chance to show little girls a real woman in myself, that is my goal. This summer they are going to do a people's choice vote again and I will need your help. This years Miss America was the "People's Choice" and the judges choice for the crown, and I hope to follow in her footsteps. I think wearing the crown is not about the glamor or the opportunities it presents you personally, but the opportunities it gives you to reach out to other people during the year, making a real impact talking about something that you care about. Miss Virginia gives 40 presentations connecting her platform to making good decisions throughout her year of service. That means a chance for me to reach out to an incredible number of school children talking about self-esteem, the importance of treating others well, and how to create and maintain healthy relationships.

Radio blog tonight:Why Women don't leave!

2009-03-30T18:16:00.000-05:00

Monday, March 30, 2009

Tonight Alexis A. Moore and Taking Action will debut at 8:00 PM PST on Blog Talk Radio discussing DV & "Why Women Don't Leave" Tonight Alexis A. Moore and Taking Action will debut at 800 PM PST on blog talk radio. Tonight the show will tackle the important subject of domestic violence and focus on the topic “Why women don’t leave”.

We encourage guests to utilize the blog talk radio chat room to post comments and questions while the show is airing live.

We will be taking calls live starting at 830 PM PST.

The link below will provide you with the number to call in and provide you with access to log in to the show’s chat room.

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/Alexis-A-Moore

And yet, many still say Domestic Violence is a "Family Issue" and not a Societal issue?

2009-03-30T16:47:00.001-05:00

I am OUTRAGED!!! Yesterday, I heard the news that a man went on a rampage at a nursing facility in Carthage, NC, killing 8 people including 7 residents and 1 nurse. When I heard that, I told my fiancee "I bet you he is an abuser." I wish I wasn't right, but I was... and sadly I wasn't surprised...

When is society going to truly understand that they can no longer claim Domestic Violence as just a "Family Issue" that should stay behind closed doors and not be talked about? When are they going to understand that abusers don't just hurt those that they love, but others as well? We hear about the extreme cases, such as this, but there are many others that don't touch the mainstream. In jails, there are many abusers that have done other crimes, and many in the jails grew up in abusive households. Abuse creates tendencies in many that can truly continue to harm society! So, when is society going to help do something about it?

Read More on the UAADV NC Blog, please, post your comments on how this makes you feel, your opinions, and share any information you may have that is relevant to this post! Maybe you had an abuser that has done something similar, has done other crimes other then the Domestic Violence committed toward you. Please, help us make Society aware that this IS a Societal Issue NOT a Family Issue!

A Mother’s Letter

2009-03-24T10:37:00.001-05:00

This was written by a mother who recently won the right to keep her child safe. She fought a long, hard battle… against too many people willing to help her abuser keep the abuse alive. HER abuser is (or was?) stationed in Charleston, SC. As we celebrate her victory, please remember that there are SO MANY other victims being treated just as badly, or worse by those sworn to protect us. We will not stop. Our children deserve safety, and we are all dedicated to this. The mother’s are speaking out.. Can YOU hear them?? ~WyldeFaerie~

I was asked to share an update of my long journey in search of justice with others. Others, who like me, have been forced to learn many of life’s most terrifying lessons the hard way and by those who we entrusted our safety with.

When I first began my long journey, I never even knew that we had two different types of Senators in each state. But because the crimes committed against me, were inflicted by a member of the United States Coast Guard, I quickly learned the Multi Levels and Confusing Structure of our Government. Three years later and I am still confused. Because not only was I victimized by the man that I loved and trusted, but I also suffered by the lack of actions by his colleagues and superiors. I like to reference these individuals as. “ The boys in blue club”

I learned due to hands on experience of having dozens of doors shut again and again while I continued to hope, plead, pray and search for safety. I can’t even tell you (because it was a lot) how many times, I heard the statement from Law Enforcement and Government Officials

“How sorry they were because their Office was unable to help me, because it was outside of their Jurisdiction”…

And then this Office gave me another number of another Office to call, and Guess what,,, 9 out of 10 of these Offices told me the same damn thing. Talk about frustration, disappointment and worse of all Despair.

When I finally had enough money, I hired an Attorney. When I first met with my Divorce Attorney, she told me that the Court frowned upon parents who refused to allow the other parent contact with their child. I remember staring at her in disbelief and saying, “Why would any legal/law official force me to place my child in danger and she said because that’s just the way it goes. I went home from her office that day and cried. I remember being so confused, terrified, disgusted and not knowing what to do or which way to turn.

A few days later I had to go down to the Police Station to report threats, that I received from my ex husband. I was informed by the SGT on that my husband had just been down to the police station with an Order out of a State (FL) (note a State He DID Not LIVE IN) and that he requested that NH Police assist him in serving me with this Emergency Custody of our Daughter. The Officer informed me, that I was lucky that I held a Restraining Order against him or they would have helped him serve this order. I perceived this as they would have assisted him in ripping my everything (my child), from my arms.

I remember not believing that a Judge could never have allowed this, I remember the feeling of horror when I realized they had. I kept replying the “What if’s over and over in my head. What if they enforced this order, what if he took her, What if I didn’t have the RO Order Against him, what if, What if. For weeks I couldn’t get out of my own way. I wanted to die, but if I died, I knew that all I did was endanger my child even more.

Prior to this I had sought the help of Coast Guard Work Life members and Coast Guard Commanders and watched how their definition of confidentially, meant informing the member that a report had been placed against them and then I suffered both physically and mentally because that member took out his rage on me.

For a long time I debated on whether or not it was easier being a victim of domestic violence verse that of a being a Survivor. I never ever thought that our Court and Justice System were favorable to the Offender verse that of the Victims…. but I soon learned that most times that was the case….

I called organizations who “marketed themselves as those who help domestic violence victims”. Sadly, more than less informed me that the crimes and abusive actions I suffered from and continued to suffer from were just not “Not Bad Enough”… Well, I personally view any form of abuse, whether it be mental, physical or sexual abuse as equally as horrible and terrifying as the other.

To date the UAADV is the only one who did not display prejudice towards me and require that I be a “specialized victim of a certain form of abuse”.. Thank you UAADV for fighting equally for all victims of violence.

I went back to my Attorney with a message, I told her that I hired her to fight for what was right and that was exactly was she was going to do. I told her ‘Screw the Bandwagon Approach” because I would rather die than place my child in harm’s way. Well she did just this and guess what? It got worse, the harder I stood the harder my Ex tried to make me fall. He falsely accused me of crimes and then his boys in blue fans arrested me. Each time I wanted to give up/give in but I kept remembering that I was dead if he ever got her.

My daughter and I went into hiding, my ex found us, the court showed little and in many occasions no mercy. The Coast Guard continued to enable a Mad Man because he could drive a boat. They even failed to garnish this jack asses pay for 14 plus months until Senator Kennedy's Office kicked the crap out of them and I went public and had to let the world know all about my worst nightmares, in order to expose their Dishonorable Actions.

I am still fighting them til this day and I will continue to do so until they get their Shit Straight and realize why men went to war… “ To Protect the Women and Children at Home”…. They need to go back to their Grass Roots instead of their continuous acts to cover up their many violations of the Lautenberg Amendment and concerns with obtaining Qualified Bowsenmates, instead of Protecting Safety of Women and Children,

To tell the remainder of the 3 year story would require me to write a Novel. But what I learned was that Our Justice-Court System is in Need of Renovating. To many people turn a blind eye….I learned how important it is for Women to be familiar with the laws, acts and amendments that we have in place to protect us. And how we need to remind Congress and Our Justice System on the reason why each was put in place…

As of Friday March 13, 2009, I won the most important thing in my entire world. My ex husband terminated all of his parental rights to my daughter. It cost me every penny I had plus some. Essentially I bought her Freedom. But This Day became my Independence Day.

I finally won because he gave up his right to ever hurt me again.

The rest of issues caused because of this tragedies actions, I will deal with… And I will deal each of them. I am smarter and I am stronger now. The wrongful actions only enabled and empowered me.

Knowledge is Power.

I will fight Even Harder Because

“I Will Never Forget”

Remember

“A Mothers Love is the Fuel That Gives Us the Strength to DO the Impossible and Together We Are Unstoppable.”

“ Never Forget”

del.icio.us Tags: military abuse,mothers,abuse,hope

Update: Amber Alert Issued for S.C. sisters after mother is stabbed

2009-02-20T20:34:00.000-05:00

The sisters and brother have been found safe!!! Gerardo Reyes-Campos still at large...

Thank God that the girls were found and that that brother is safe as well! Now, to find the monster that tried to kill their mother and abducted the children. He's at large and we need your help in finding him! Someone has seen him, someone knows where he is! He's out there somewhere, and most likely wont go to where they think he may because he's not going to want to get caught and be put in jail. Please, re-blog, twitter, and pass on so that we can get this monster where he belongs behind bars for a very long time...

Our prayers are with Diane Madisol Trejo, the children, and her family...

WANTED: Gerardo Reyes-Campos

Officials said that 1-year-old Destiny and 3-year-old Melanie Reyes had been safely found, along with another missing child, 5-year-old Gerardo Hurto. The children have been turned over to South Carolina authorities.

Their father, Gerardo Reyes-Campos, 29, remains at large.

Deputies warned that Reyes-Campos is considered armed and dangerous. Members of the public should use extreme caution if they see him and should call 911 immediately.

Reyes-Campos' criminal record in South Carolina dates to 1996 and includes arrests for drunken driving, public drunkenness, domestic violence and cocaine possession.

Reyes-Campos, who is in the country illegally, was deported to Mexico in September, according to Lancaster Sheriff's Maj. David Belk. Authorities did not know he had returned to the U.S., Belk said.

The Lancaster County Sheriff's Office has warrants out against Reyes-Campos for assault and battery with intent to kill. The office plans to file additional charges against him in relation to the abduction.

Anyone with information should call Lt. Brown with the South Carolina Law Enforcement Division immediately at 803-896-7133, or call 911 or *HP (*47) on cell phones.

Original Article

Amber Alert Issued for S.C. sisters after mother is stabbed

2009-02-20T13:58:00.002-05:00

Authorities said they originally thought Reyes-Campos headed to Monroe, N.C., but now think he went south toward Columbia, S.C. He may be driving a 1992(other reports say a 200), tan Isuzu Rodeo with South Carolina tag BJD-238 (other reports state 287-HYN).

Approximate Body Style

South Carolina authorities said they believe Gerardo Reyes-Campos, 29, stabbed his common-law wife, Diane Madisol Trejo, 22, in the neck and hands during a fight at a Lancaster County home Thursday evening.

Deputies came to the home after a neighbor called 911 around 9:15p.m.

Trejo was flown to Palmetto Health Richland Hospital in Columbia and was in critical but stable condition. She suffered a 21/2 to 3 inch-long stab wound on her neck.

Authorities say Reyes-Campos then took their children, 1-year-old Destiny and 3-year-old Melanie Reyes, along with a 5-year-old boy Gerado Hurto.

Officials reported Friday morning that they found the boy safe, but Lancaster County authorities later declined to confirm that.

Destiny Reyes, 1, is described as a white/Hispanic female, about 2 feet tall and 25 pounds. She ha brown hair and brown eyes.

Melanie Reyes is a 3-year-old white/Hispanic female, about 3 feet tall and 45 pounds.

Authorities say Gerardo Reyes-Campos, 29, abducted his children. He is described as a white/Hispanic man, 5-foot-8 and 170 pounds. He has brown hair and brown eyes. He is considered dangerous.

Anyone with information should call Lt. Brown with the South Carolina Law Enforcement Division immediately at 803-896-7133, or call 911 or *HP (*47) on cell phones.

Original Article
Amber Alert

Violence in teen relationships - increase due to apathetic acceptance?

2009-02-18T18:33:00.001-05:00

...under twenty-five, both are financially set, yet a pattern of violent behavior has been documented by both friends and co-workers of the two celebrities.

Relationship violence and sexual assault in this age group cuts across all genders, sexual orientation, and racial backgrounds. It is an accepted part of any teen couple's relationship and that is as disturbing as it is sad. The idea that a couple expects some type of abuse in their relationship is frightening. Where did this "it's okay" (...more)

Weathering A Violent Storm

2009-02-18T16:02:00.001-05:00

SEBRING On Tuesday, nine of the 15 beds at Sebring's Peace River Center - a refuge for victims of domestic violence - were filled.

Joy Kruppa, director of victim services, said their numbers can vary, with one day being at over-capacity and another, they're under capacity.

In tough economic times like these, victims of domestic violence will often remain at the site of the attack rather than seek a safe place like Peace River, according to Kruppa.

"People will stay where they're at (more...)

Commentary: Rihanna is not alone - CNN.com

2009-02-18T15:54:00.001-05:00

(CNN) -- For two days, news reports called her "the 20-year old victim" allegedly attacked by R&B singer and dancer Chris Brown in his car early February 8 in Los Angeles, California.

We all now have good reason to believe that the alleged victim was pop singer Rihanna, Brown's girlfriend.

The story has dominated the general media with good reason. Both singers are young, apple-cheek gorgeous, immensely talented and squeaky clean -- the last couple you'd imagine as domestic violence headliners.

Perhaps the only good that will come from the Rihanna/Brown publicity is destruction of our culture's misconception that abusers and their victims can only be universally (more...)

Chris Brown Arrested For (Allegedly) Assaulting Rihanna

2009-02-09T11:04:00.015-05:00

All over the news of course is the fact that Christ Brown is arrested for beating up a "woman" and being held on a felony charge because the bruises were visible. GOOD! In the article it mentions the fact that his father was abusive towards his mother, which made him afraid enough at times to pee himself, and he hates his father till this day for that. And yet, he couldn't keep himself from becoming just like him? No surprise that he's become an abuser himself, and whether or not it was to Rihanna or another "woman", glad that justice is being done here.

Unfortunately, this type of publicity only happens when it's a "Star" having it done to them. How many women a day are abused this bad or worse, and society never hears about it? Believe me, would keep the air waves clogged....

Regardless that he's a star, I'm glad to see this going around and hopefully bringing some attention to a cause that needs more publicity, more help, and where society truly does need to open their eyes on the ramifications and long term affects of Domestic Violence. Too many still state that unless the child is hit themselves, Domestic Violence towards a mother doesn't mean that the father is a bad parent. Ok, so, going to wait another 15-20 yrs to see the affects as that child becomes the next generation abuser?

Instead of appearing at the Grammy Awards, Chris Brown - seen at left with Rihanna at a pre-Grammy party - was arrested for a felony battery.

He surrendered to the LAPD and then posted $50,000 bail. An "unidentified woman" who appeared to have been beaten identified Brown as her attacker. Rihanna did not show up at the Grammys either.
Original Article

Safe & Secure Domestic Violence Social Network

2009-02-04T16:14:00.001-05:00

A new social network just for domestic violence victims, survivors and advocates! This network is just getting started but offers the same features as other social networks, with the the only difference being that ALL members of the network are screened, making this a safe environment for victims, survivors and advocates alike to gain information and resources, share with each other, and support each other through peer-based support groups and forums.

Visit United Angels Against Domestic Violence

Cops say William Greer killed his girlfriend and left her body in the woods.

2009-02-02T13:55:00.002-05:00

***Please re-blog this and distribute it widely!***

This came through my email as an AMW alert, and I just had to get it out to all the blogs in hopes that someone has seen this Murderer! He's out there, after having killed a beautiful woman and mother, and he needs to be stopped before he kills again!

Tammy Myers Esquivel was a beautiful woman, and a mother of 2 children who obviously was in a violently abusive relationship.

"Cops believe Greer would torture Tammy with the nunchaku he was known to use.

But physical scars were not the only proof of William Greer's abuse. After Tammy was murdered, Ryan (her X and father of her children) discovered a box of pictures Tammy kept at William Greer's house.

In the box, Ryan found letters that show the emotional torture cops say Greer put Tammy through. In those letters, Tammy wrote to Greer, she apologizes for her kids being sick, or for running away from Greer because she was scared.

Ryan believes it is possible Tammy wrote those letters as a punishment Greer imposed on her."

>>Letter 1
>>Letter 2
>>Letter 3
>>Letter 4

Cops say this picture that Tammy took of herself is evidence of the physical abuse Greer put her through.

There's a lot of information on the AMW website about this case, please read through it! Please, look through the pictures below, and if you've seen him, call AMW and report it! Let's help get this Murderer (can think of a few other choice words, but being proffessional here) off the streets, get Tammy's family and children justice, and stop him from killing again!

AMW says he usually wears his cowboy hat, but may have switched to a baseball cap.

AMW states that he has a huge ego, let's help bring it down a couple notches!!!!

Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Week - Feb 2 - 6, 2009

2009-02-01T10:54:00.001-05:00

February 2 - 6 is National Teen Dating Violence Awareness and
Prevention Week for 2009. In 2006, Congress passed legislation that
the first week in February would be designated to focus on this
important issue facing our teens. Less than one week after its first
observance, Jennifer Ann Crecente - a high school honors student, was
murdered by her ex-boyfriend. Jennifer Ann’s group is dedicated to her memory.

For ideas on what you can do to promote awareness please visit their
website:
http://jenniferann.org/national-teen-dating-violence-awareness-and-prevention-week.htm

Thank you for your interest and support of efforts to STOP Teen
Dating Violence!

"Jennifer Ann's Group" - Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Week - Feb 2 - 6, 2009

Create a Cabinet Position on Violence Against Women

2009-01-26T14:56:00.001-05:00

**Upate**

I have spread this to our groups, and posting it to all our blogs, only to find out that the voting is closed. The first go around of voting only brought in 122 votes??? WHAT"S WRONG WITH PEOPLE????

So, to me, that either shows that not enough people care about justice and have closed eyes and ears, OR, the word didn't get out the first time. Soooo, what now dear Sisters and Society? Do we let something like this drop without a fight, or do we fight for someone to hear that things need to change? If not in this sense, in sooo many others. I'm hoping that Change.org re-opens it's voting, and have sent an email to them requesting that they do so. A change doesn't happen unless we step forward and help create it, help me help create this change...

Please email Change.org at oneinthr@box205.bluehost.com , and let them know that you want this vote re-opened and that you will support them in getting the word out to help make the change that is necessary! Speak out and take that step forward in fighting for what is needed!

We have a new President, a new start, and Hope that he has promised us in the coming term, below is one step towards seeing hope for those that are affected by Domestic Violence and all it entails. Just a couple clicks, let's see what we can do!

Dear Friends and Colleagues:

We need your help.

One in Three Women™ has submitted an "idea" on Change.org and we need your vote.
"President-Elect Obama says he wants to hear ideas from everyone, so we're taking him up on his offer by submitting our idea: Create a Cabinet Position on Violence Against Women. The "Top 10 Ideas for America" will be presented to the Obama Administration on Inauguration Day. Change.org will then build a national campaign to advance each idea in Congress. A huge step forward for all of us and we don't have to finance it ourselves. Click here to begin your voting process. It takes two minutes to do.

http://www.change.org/ideas/view/create_cabinet_position_on_violence_against_women,
Then click on the blue Vote graphic in the top left of the page. DO NOTclick on the widget in the right hand column. Clicking on that widget will not do anything, it is an example of what you can place on a webpage. You will see a pop-up window that asks for your name, email address and to create a password. Easy. You will see a message at the top of the new page informing you that your vote is not counted until you receive a confirmation link and once you have clicked on the link your vote is recorded.
We are all part of a constituency of thousands of people working to end violence against women (VAW) and we can make this happen. If each of us does our part by voting for our idea and ask others to vote we can easily make this idea a reality.

We hear that a high level position may be created in the White house on VAW and that is great news but we still feel that a cabinet level position on VAW is long over due.

In the Spirit of Friendship and Peace,
Cheyla and Evelyn

Co-Founders
One in Three Women™ Campaign

Create a Cabinet Position on Violence Against Women

2009-01-26T12:23:00.001-05:00

Dear Friends and Colleagues:

We need your help.

We hear that a high level position may be created in the White house on VAW and that is great news but we still feel that a cabinet level position on VAW is long over due.

In the Spirit of Friendship and Peace,
Cheyla and Evelyn

Co-Founders
One in Three Women™ Campaign

Amber Alert issued for missing 2-year-old

2009-01-23T22:17:00.001-05:00

Fayetteville, N.C. — A North Carolina Amber Alert was issued late Friday for Dillon Jordan Cromartie, 2, of Fayetteville.

Dillon is described as Hispanic with light skin, 2 feet tall and about 40 pounds. He has brown hair and brown eyes. He was last seen wearing a long sleeve blue and white shirt, brown pants, white shoes and a brown jacket. No photo was available of the child.

The child’s uncle, Lee David Currie, is considered a suspect in the abduction, authorities said. Currie, 60, is described as black, 5-foot-10 and 220 pounds. He has black and gray hair, brown eyes and a scar on his left cheek. He has last seen wearing a yellow shirt and blue jeans.

Authorities said the abduction occurred at 8243 Umstead Drive in Fayetteville on Thursday. Currie is reportedly driving a white 1993 BMW 740i with North Carolina tag number PZW8080.

Currie was last seen driving the vehicle on or near Eastern Boulevard, Fayetteville Police said.

If you have any information regarding this abduction, call the Fayetteville PD immediately at (910) 433-1830, Detective Edmonds 910-433-1830 or call 911 or *HP.

Original Article

Shelter needs daycare, exam area

2009-01-22T12:17:00.001-05:00

Below I have shared a plea for help from the Safe Harbor Domestic Violence Shelter for an exam area and daycare that is desperately needed. Even in this time of financial hardship for everyone, there's so many that need more and are having it harder then we are, and this is one of those cases.

At this time, victims must be transferred up to 30 minutes to be able to be examined, something to some may seem not much, but to a victim, it's an eternity where they can sit and contemplate what they are going through and be in fear. Having an onsite exam area is crucial for many reasons, and I hope that the word gets out and that the community can help this shelter in their needs. For, you never know when you or someone you love may be in need of it...

As for the daycare, I can attest to the fact that that is a needed thing to have in a shelter. When women get out with children, and the daycare's in the area are full and have a waiting list, not to mention if you don't have a vehicle to drive across town to a daycare that does have room, it's something that can truly make a victim go back to her abuser. To know that your children are taken care of in a safe environment, somewhere where the abuser can't get to them, is truly a peace of mind that victims need. Not to mention that if a victim can't find daycare in a timely fashion, and can't work because of no childcare, they are only given a specific amount of time to get a job once in a shelter, and talk about stress!

When I was in a shelter with my 2 1/2 year old son, I couldn't find a daycare that had any openings, and had to work. So, asked one of the residents if she could watch my son since she had 2 children of her own that she had to watch, and she didn't work at the time. This didn't go too bad for a time, but then she left the shelter to move in with her boyfriend. Not her abuser, but a new one. Anyway, things went from bad to worse...It ended up that the ones that she stayed with were drug dealers (not bad people per se, but not the life style I wanted to be around, and not somewhere I wanted my son), and no-one was working to bring any money in. They lived on her food stamps, and I would bring home at night the left over food from McDonald's that I was working at at the time, and wake everyone up so that they could have dinner. I would give her $100 a week to watch my son, what other choice did I have? One night, after coming home from a different job late at night, I found out that they had had a gun fight at the house with the kids inside. Came back to find the owner of the home with a gun sitting across his lap, and shortly was able to move out of that area closer to my parents so that I could have familial support.

Yes, most don't have to go through something like I did, but there's many stories out there of Moms that have gone back because of lack adequate childcare (not an option for me), or their children have been put at risk. This is something that must be addressed, and this shelter needs that help!

Even if it's $5-$25 that you can give, please give to this cause! Every little bit helps!

FARMINGTON - UT— A daycare and rape exam area are among pressing needs for Safe Harbor Domestic Violence Shelter, its director says.

She said Dixon & Associates architects has already prepared plans for a building that could be constructed adjacent to existing facilities. Cost is estimated at $220,000 for the building and $170,000 for an exam room.

“Your citizens are going out of the county for Code R exams,” Card said. Other than the county jail, there is no place where adults can be tested within the county, she said.

The new building has been a desire of the nonprofit shelter’s board of trustees for several years. Plans for the new facility were first revealed in the Clipper a couple of years ago.

The shelter, in place for nearly 12 years, has seen a huge increase in usage over the past year. Card has said previously that while there were slow times during certain parts of the year, that is no longer the case.

It has been necessary, at times, to find space for victims in other locations, until slots opened at the facility, she said.

Original Article

Teen Dating Violence and Awareness Week: What are your plans? - Canada

2009-01-20T15:28:00.001-05:00

In reading this article, many things hit me at once, and with this article being so long and full of important information, I'm going to ask you to please take a few minutes out of your day and read it. It's that important.....Why you ask?'

Simple, this is NOT something that is only happening in Canada. This is NOT something that is only happening in the US, but all around the world. Teen Dating Violence is NOT being taken as seriously as it truly needs to be, for it's a pre-cursor to Domestic Violence. If we can only get them while they are young!

In this article, it shares that there's ONLY 2 states in the ENTIRE US that have taken the steps to increase risk prevention in teens by going to legal lengths.

Two states in the entire United States of America, Texas and Rhode Island, have taken the steps to increase risk prevention in this vulnerable group of teenagers by going to legal lengths such as implementing policies that address Teen Dating Violence, even requiring that it be taught at certain grade levels. New York is beginning to realize the serious problem for teenagers and has finally expanded its laws to allow teens in abusive relationships to obtain restraining orders in family courts instead of from the long and drawn out criminal justice system.

HELLO OUT THERE!!! Is anyone seeing a problem with this????

Too many teens are suffering, too many are dying because they don't have the help and support needed. Too many are then getting into Domestic Violence relationships because they don't have the support or the Empowerment to know that they can have better! Too many signs are not being seen, and too many parents are out there trying to protect their children without the help from a system that continues to be blind to their needs.

Again, read through this article, I know that it's for a week of awareness for the teens there, but there's a lot of good information in there that I feel can be used anywhere.

What steps will you take where you live to help protect the teens that are at risk in your area? What will it take for you to open up your blind eyes and to take part in being part of the solution?

Original Article

UAADV News Blog

Abuser wanted for Murder of his Wife

A National Child Custody Crisis: Why are Moms Punished in Court?

Custody Crisis: Why Moms Are Punished in Court

10 Myths About Domestic Violence

10 Myths About Domestic Violence

1. Only women are victims of domestic violence.

Between 2001 and 2005, 22% of all reports regarding nonfatal violence cited females over the age of 12 as the victims and...

Knight in Tarnished Armor

Out of the Chaos of DV, is Born a New Family...

Adoption Day in Montgomery Co. Court

Two dozen families officially unite

Mo. man suspected in Kansas killing of wife, kids

ARE YOU A CARROT, AN EGG, OR A COFFEE BEAN?

Have a Happy and SAFE Thanksgiving Season

What is the Second Chance Fund?

A story of hopeful love, turned to violence and murder

A story of hopeful love, turned to violence and murder

Domestic Violence is a pattern of behavior...

Leader's son will be first to face FLDS sex assault trial

First FLDS sex assault trial starts on Monday

Polygamist sect leader's son is accused of having sex with minors

By TERRI LANGFORD HOUSTON CHRONICLE

Oct. 24, 2009, 8:16AM

DPS

Sex with minor girls?

Reporting for jury duty

Strangulation attacks now carry year in jail

Tapping cell phones | Spyware | Mobile Phones | Spy Software - WTHR |

Tapping your cell phone

Protecting your cell phone

Cell phones and privacy protection

Abuse of moms may stunt kid's growth | Health | Reuters

Domestic Violence Survivor Claudine Dombrowski Speaks Openly

" INJUSTICE IN YOUR OWN BACKYARD"

Leadership Council's Child Abuse and Custody Questionnaire

Family Violence in Canada Annual Report

CA victim confidential address program getting update effective Jan 2010

Friday, October 16, 2009

Soldiers, family, community prevent domestic abuse

Related Links

California's GOP vote-boycott ends, key bills pass

Abusers Use the Court System to Continue Victimization

Nov 2009 DV Blog Carnival- How does DV effect children - anonymiss

Nov 2009 DV Blog Carnival- How does DV effect children

Real Men Don’t Campaign

American Humane: Email - Cat helps prove child abuser's guilt

A Plea From Protective Mothers

Domestic Violence Blog Carnival October 2009

Call for artistic VOICES

The Allstate Foundation and Tell a Gal P.A.L

Domestic Violence Awareness Month Blog Carnival

DV Survivor Speaks out

The New Agenda ACTION ALERT: SENATOR SLASHER!

ACTION ALERT: SENATOR SLASHER!

September 16, 2009 by The New AgendacloseAuthor: The New Agenda Name: agenda Email: editor@thenewagenda.net Site: http://thenewagenda.net About: See Authors Posts (225)

Where is your purple gonna be?

Domestic violence victims have a "pre-existing condition"

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

Violence UnSilenced

Violence, Abuse and Trauma Conference

14th International Conference on Violence, Abuse and Trauma

September 21- 26, 2009 Town and Country Resort & Convention Center San Diego, CA

Preventing Abuse Conference

SCARED TO LEAVE AFRAID TO STAY

Poems by an abuse victim

Poem 1: 'What It Means To Be A Victim

Poem 2: 'What It means To be A Survivor'

Poem 3: 'What It Means To Heal'

Battered Woman Syndrome Key Elements

TRAUMA AND VIOLENCE

Mapping Intimate and Domestic Violence Murders

Domestic Violence Can Also Include Economic Abuse

Farrah Fawcett’s ‘Burning Bed’ Gave Domestic Abuse Another Face

Senate Subcommittee to Vote on VAWA CJS Spending Measure

The Continued Importance of the Violence Against Women Act

Domestic Violence Reports Rising in Economy

Miss Washington Led a 'Double Life' of Domestic Violence

Domestic violence: Legislation requiring automatic arrest of parolees goes to governor

Orlando police seeking person of interest in attempted rape

By TERRI LANGFORD
HOUSTON CHRONICLE

September 16, 2009
by The New Agenda closeAuthor: The New Agenda Name: agenda
Email: editor@thenewagenda.net
Site: http://thenewagenda.net
About: See Authors Posts (225)

September 21- 26, 2009
Town and Country Resort & Convention Center
San Diego, CA